Seriously, don’t be this guy.

Embedded is disabled on this video, so have a link: “The ‘Pussy Renaissance’ is coming to an end!” [YouTube]

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Here’s a hint. From the Times (UK):

Researchers remained puzzled as to why the women most likely to settle for a one-night stand were judged to be the most attractive. It was suggested that the lack of effort required on the part of men compensated for “any costs from long-term relationship breakdown”.

Looks like you should always go for the girl you find the most attractive. Who knew?

Face gives away sexual intentions, new study says [TimesOnline.co.uk]

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So why is check-in a turn-on? Do hotel chains put pheromones in their air-conditioning units? Is there something in the newness of the location, giving couples a risk-free opportunity to “take their act on the road”? Or is it as simple as the fact that hotels are places where someone else will replenish the linens and even deliver overpriced club sandwiches to your door, creating an atmosphere of freedom that encourages friskiness?

Maybe it’s the complete change of environment, free of all the old context that can bog down long-term-relationship fucking? Maybe it’s the smell of thousands of other people’s aerosolized fuck crusts? Maybe it’s the notoriously springy beds?

Frisky Business [Boston]

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There’s no way, *no* way that you came from *my* loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I’m gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth! –Buford T. Justice

Oh, the times my father repeated that movieline to me! Over and over. Sadly he was dreaming and this lazy, useless drop-out is his son. However, if there is any question about you and your questionable progeny — you may want to try the IdentiGene 3-5 Day Home Paternity Kit.

Available at Meijer and RiteAid!

Thanks Asylum

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In case you can’t muster the gumption to watch that mammary masochism, you can watch Jack Black and the cast of Mr. Show explore a similar theme in “Joke!: The Musical” below.

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You’ve probably heard jokes about this before. Yep, it can be hard to find the hole. Even if you know where you need to go visually, the vaginal entrance can be smaller and tighter than you think so you may not feel exactly where you need to insert the tip of your penis.

* With missionary it’s fairly obvious where you need to put it, but if you’re trying to guide it in blind then it can be awkward.
* With doggy style the hole is further up then you’d think.
* When the girl is on top the angle of her vaginal tunnel can give you problems and you can’t really see what you’re doing. It’s best if she guides it in herself.

For Guy Virgins: Basic Things No One Told Me About Sex [DatingGroundwork.com via Digg]

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[Expressing intimate information happens often] on sites like Yahoo!’s Married and Flirting e-mail group, as well as on Marriedbutplaying.com and Married-but-flirting.com. “Flirting” in this sense appears to be a euphemism for talking dirty. A University of Florida study of 86 participants in a chat room published in Psychology Today in 2003 found that while nearly all those surveyed felt they were initially simply flirting with a computer, not a real person, almost a third of them eventually had a face-to-face meeting with someone they chatted with. And all but two of the couples who met went on to have an affair. Whether the people who eventually cheated went to the site with the intention of doing so or got drawn in by the fantasy of it all is unclear. Whichever, the sites sure seem like a profitable place for people like the guy behind me on the pre-Christmas flight to hang out.

It’s why your wife or girlfriend gets pissed when you flirt. I mean, it’s so obvious it’s obfuscated. You get jealous of a flirting partner because there’s a chance, however small, they might stray.

I found the linked TIME article on Digg. Delving into the comments I found a few telling replies, like this one from “Senator PJT.”

I always get pissed off when I read articles that assume everyone is socially adjusted. I don’t flirt. I was only able to get a girlfriend because I knew her on the internet first, and we’ve been together for five years so I know it isn’t just because I’m ugly or generally an asshole.

It at least proves to me that it’s specifically because I just can’t navigate that first five minutes of meeting someone, which makes it even more frustrating than if I really were just an asshole.

Dude, I know the feeling. And while I don’t think there’s anything wrong with using the internet as a proxy to mask your social awkwardness—better that than not having a girlfriend at all!—it reaffirms one of my realizations about all the pick-up artistry resurgence in the last few years. Normal guys aren’t going out to these conferences and reading books about meeting women because they want to turn into super-charged Lothsarios with a shiny vagina on every finger; most of these guys are reaching out to learn skills that will bring them up to what is a basic, healthy skill level of human social interaction. And it’s not just for meeting women, either, but for meeting anyone in real life.

Why We Flirt [Time.com]

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It’s like we always say before we start filling up our grocery cart with whipped cream and cucumbers: if you have to shop, you might as well shop erotic.

Dethroner: What’s the impetus behind a home shopping show for sex toys?

Miyoko: The driving force behind Shop Erotic was the desire to inspire passion in people and create a forum for everyone to enhance their intimate lives. A lot of people will not go into a sex shop, or even have one to go to. Many people are not internet savvy, and/or do not feel comfortable ordering these types of products. We have created a place where people have felt comfortable, are educated on products and how to use them, and receive them items in a discreet way. The response has been tremendous, as you can imagine! I am happy to say that Americans do desire sex, and are open-minded to getting pleasure in many different ways!

Dethroner: When did Shop Erotic first hit the airwaves?

Miyoko: Shop Erotic first aired two years ago, and at that time we showed romance products mostly! [So strap-on scorpion vibrators with attached "anal stingers" aren't romantic? Romance is dead. -Ed.]

Dethroner: You guys seem so pleasantly clinical about all of the products I’ve seen. (Which isn’t a bad thing.) Is there any product that’s just been so odd that it’s been hard to talk about on the air?

Miyoko: We try to stay extremely clinical—it’s still TV! But I think that’s part of the appeal of the show. It takes away any old stigmas that we might have learned growing up. There are some products that can be difficult to talk about. Aria’s Pleaser was a tough one to shoot. Andrea and I were laughing so hard, it took a few minutes to calm down enough to present it seriously!

Dethroner: Why the separate order phone numbers for men and women?

Miyoko: We have designated separate number for women mainly because we knew that women would not all feel comfortable talking to a man to give them their order, or ask questions. We want women to be able to speak and order freely. It also cuts back on the some of the prank calls we get from men who want someone to talk to late at night. Yep, we get those, too. Imagine that! :)

Dethroner: What’s your favorite toy of the moment?

Miyoko: My favorite toy at the moment is a glass piece that I LOVE! It’s the Erotic Popper that we featured on some shows about a year ago. My husband even brings it to surprise me on trips and vacations. Besides that, I always have to have a pocket rocket in the bedside table. It works for so many things!

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This video is mildly NSFW depending on how you feel about attractive women hawking sex toys in friendly but clinical fashion. I’m just surprised that this has come to television, even if it is high up the cable dial. Good surprised, though. It’s important to be able to buy strap-on clitoral vibrating scorpions with anal stingers from the comfort of one’s home.

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Aside from causing intense pain, the venom of the spider can also cause priapism – uncomfortable erections that can last for many hours and that can lead to impotence. The venom may eventually be used in erectile dysfunction treatments. This spider has been referred to as the “Brazilian boner spider” for this reason.

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Lurking underground in the heart of Tokyo’s trendy Roppongi is a true heart of darkness – a members-only club that combines forbidden sex practices with the art of fine dining.

The gist of it is, members pay a hefty fee at the door to be allowed to… have sex with the animal of their choice – which is subsequently killed, cooked and served to the violator and his party for dinner!

New Bestiality Restaurant lets you Pork your Pork [InventorSpot]

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This is just one of two whole pages of a scanned brochure from “Image Leather,” a now-defunct leather daddy shop in San Francisco, describing what the wearing of certain colored handkerchiefs indicates when out cruising for sex. With dozens of color and material combinations to keep in mind, I have no doubt that this was primarily a tongue-in-cheek reference created by someone with too much time on their hands, but it’s amusing to think of thousands of men milling around the darkened parks of San Francisco, squinting to distinguish if the bit of cloth sticking out of a liaison’s pocket was leopard print, signifying a love for tattoos, or magenta, signifying that he’s an “armpit freak.”

I Love the Hanky Code [ILoveThisWorld.com]

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To the author’s credit, she basically works it out by the end of the discussion with her boyfriend and acknowledges that it isn’t a big deal, but the comments are filled with paranoid wives warning her about the horrible addictive nature of porn. It’s as bad as meth!

Pornography is unnatural, but no more so than any use of photography or television to store and transmit images. The aim of every anti-porn issue is the desire to control a man’s sexual desires. I’d go on but I just woke up and I need to find some porn.

Discovering Porn (On Your Boyfriend’s Computer) [DivineCaroline]

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Surprisingly, these shots are mostly safe for work.

The pictures in question [ClubRSX]

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I’ll skip over the part where she checks Andrea Dworkin, the feminist thinker who posited that pornography would turn men into rapacious sex monsters.

For most of human history, erotic images have been reflections of, or celebrations of, or substitutes for, real naked women. For the first time in human history, the images’ power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women. Today, real naked women are just bad porn.

Wolf has obviously chosen not to acknowledge the amateur pornography revolution the internet facilitated, which, while full of girls who may not exactly be true amateurs, is still populated by girls that look approachable, blessedly imperfect, and happy.

Here is what young women tell me on college campuses when the subject comes up: They can’t compete, and they know it.

Oh, those poor college girls, unable to get fucked. If only they could unlock the mystery of the elusive college-aged male libido!

Being naked is not enough; you have to be buff, be tan with no tan lines, have the surgically hoisted breasts and the Brazilian bikini wax—just like porn stars. (In my gym, the 40-year-old women have adult pubic hair; the twentysomethings have all been trimmed and styled.)

Ah, the myth of the big muff. Let me give you a hint, Wolf: being naked is probably plenty, if you want a little action. Being naked, fit, and well-groomed is probably a little better.

But my pro-tip is this: Despite years of campaigning, I have not been allowed to cruise women’s locker rooms for snatch, picking my lovers out of a sopping line-up. Stop staring nervously at young cooter and go outside. That’s where the men are.

If your appetite is stimulated and fed by poor-quality material, it takes more junk to fill you up. People are not closer because of porn but further apart; people are not more turned on in their daily lives but less so.

Let’s bust this old chestnut that lots of porn makes you unable to appreciate a “real” woman. Even the most porn-soaked man, assured by his personal tastes in pornography that his ideal woman is an inflated silicone golem, turns to butter when confronted with attention from a soft, breathing woman. If a man refuses to sleep with a willing woman because she doesn’t look like his ideal, he’s at worst using that mythical ideal as a shield to protect his insecurities, at best making a choice of legitimate preference.

Pornography doesn’t deaden a man to real women. It deadens a man to more pornography. Masturbating to pornography in lieu of sex with a willing partner is a symptom of other personal travails, not the cause.

Mostly, when I ask about loneliness, a deep, sad silence descends on audiences of young men and young women alike. They know they are lonely together, even when conjoined, and that this imagery is a big part of that loneliness. What they don’t know is how to get out, how to find each other again erotically, face-to-face.

Oh, for fuck’s sake! Why is it that some feminist thinkers want to make casual, emotionally-null sex verboten, as if every orgasm must be preceded by hours of intimate, soul-wrenching passion? Of course sex with an emotional connection is great—better than!—a drive-by airlocking of genitals, but we’re not talking either/or experiences, here. Some of my most emotionally uplifting sexual experiences occurred in the midst of a particularly slutty time in my life. Having a one-night stand with someone doesn’t preclude my ability to have a deeper intersection with someone else later.

I will never forget a visit I made to Ilana, an old friend who had become an Orthodox Jew in Jerusalem. When I saw her again, she had abandoned her jeans and T-shirts for long skirts and a head scarf. I could not get over it. Ilana has waist-length, wild and curly golden-blonde hair. “Can’t I even see your hair?” I asked, trying to find my old friend in there. “No,” she demurred quietly. “Only my husband,” she said with a calm sexual confidence, “ever gets to see my hair.”

You’re right, Wolf: What we need is a return to fundamentalist attitudes to women’s sexuality. I mean, fine, whatever works for two consenting adults, but you want to address your claimed paucity of sexual experience for women by suggesting they become more demure?

Look, if you want to make a point that our visual society has created an environment that makes women (and men!) insecure about their bodies, then I’d be more apt to agree with you. (While also pointing out that we’re a nation of fat, unhealthy fuckers, so maybe some of our body image insecurities have a foothold in legitimate concern.) But I am comfortable testifying for the majority of men out there; we’re ready to rock you. If the crux is that Americans aren’t getting enough action, then I agree, but let’s not blame the wide world of pornography—comprised of a gaping cornucopia of body types and preferences of which I suspect you’re not really that familiar—for women not getting enough cock to suit them.

It’s strange that I have to explain this to a supposed feminist, but here’s what almost all men find attractive: a confident woman who enjoys sex—cervix with a smile. If the issue is that women aren’t getting laid enough, then I think we can find a mutually agreeable solution.

The Porn Myth [NYMag.com]

Update: My friend Matt linked me to this AP story about a survey of college-aged kids about their reasons for sex.

College-aged men and women agree on their top reasons for having sex – they were attracted to the person, they wanted to experience physical pleasure and “it feels good” … Expressing love and showing affection were in the top 10 for both men and women, but they did take a back seat to the clear No. 1: “I was attracted to the person.” … “None of the gender differences are all that great,” Meston said. “Men were more likely to be opportunistic towards having sex, so if sex were there and available they would jump on it, somewhat more so than women. Women were more likely to have sex because they felt they needed to please their partner.”

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Semen contains mood-elevating hormones (testosterone, estrogen, prolactin, luteinizing hormone and prostaglandins); Gallup attests that they are powerful, and potentially addictive chemicals. His tests indicate that

women who do not use condoms during sex are less depressed and less likely to attempt suicide than are women who have sex with condoms.

Crying Over Spilled Semen [Psychologytoday.com]

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