There’s no way, *no* way that you came from *my* loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I’m gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth! –Buford T. Justice

Oh, the times my father repeated that movieline to me! Over and over. Sadly he was dreaming and this lazy, useless drop-out is his son. However, if there is any question about you and your questionable progeny — you may want to try the IdentiGene 3-5 Day Home Paternity Kit.

Available at Meijer and RiteAid!

Thanks Asylum

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Fun and educational, our adorable Passover Ten Plagues Finger Puppets set is a great way to liven your child’s Passover Seder. Each puppet represents one of the ten plagues: blood, frogs, lice, wild animals, cattle plague, boils, hail, locusts, darkness, and death of the first-born.

Fun, educational and guaranteed to scare the heck out of any observant toddler. Available at the Museum of Tolerance’s online store.

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In order to laugh with this guy, he’d have to be laughing.

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SORRY I HAVEN”T BEEN POSTING MUCH LATELY I HAVE BEEN EXPERICING GOS CHI ENERGY AMAZING POWER ALOT SO HERE IS THING>>>KEEP IN MIND I AM NOT A DOCTOR

BEYOND THIS IS TIME FOR ONE OR TWO FLIPZ OR MAYBE< YES< BLASTZ

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Because you never know when you might have to do a high kick into the face of the checkout girl who won’t take your coupons, Chuck Norris Action Jeans “won’t bind your legs.” Of course, you might want to skip the slick-bottomed cowboy boots, unless you’re Chuck Norris, who does not interface with friction like a normal material object.

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Danny Sullivan’s program is more interesting to me as a product-based business. Ever since reading The Four-Hour Work Week I’ve been keeping a sharper eye on these sorts of infomercialesque products. Sullivan sells his set of DVDs for $50, which include “five exciting workouts on four DVDs.” The manufacturing cost for the DVDs is obviously negligable, ignoring the initial production expenses, so he’s still probably making a pretty good return on just the DVDs. But then he’ll sell the kickboxing equipment set for an additional $300, which I very much doubt costs him much over $50 to produce. By having the DVDs as a separate option he makes them seem almost affordable, while I’m certain they also serve as advertisements for the more expensive and profitable equipment sets. Smart!

Product Page [RealKickboxing.com]

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Reader Andrew K. sent this video of a “Kiai Master” using “chi” to knock back dozens of fighters with nary a touch. The punchline, so to speak, comes when the master offers $5,000 to anyone who can defeat him with any mix of martial arts, with predictable and even tragic result. This poor old huckster seems legitimately surprised to be smashed in the face by the power of a fist and the man who punched him seems pretty sorry he has to beat down an old man with no ability to defend himself.

There’s another video of the same fight after the jump that is a better angle, but I’ve put this video above the fold since it shows the duped or complicit students of the master folding under his chi touch before the reality unleashes her all-too-legitimate Spin Cutz™.

Fist vs. Chi — who will win? [Pharyngula/ScienceBlogs.com]

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The rest of the children at the dojo never forgot the time Chuckie was exploded by the upside-down side suto. At least until ice cream sandwich time!

(Photo: Unknown)

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Is it wrong that the scathing reviews of theme restaurant Ninja New York have done nothing to quench my thirst to be served sake by the half-liter by deadly assassins? Even worse than theme restaurant—anathema to New Yorkers—it’s an old theme restaurant, and supposedly expensive, to (tabi) boot.

But whatever. I can think of at least one friend of mine who will be joining me at NInja New York the next time he is in town. I want to dine in a place with secret passageways, explosions, and nooks where ninja hide to drop frop the ceiling. I mean, they even train attractive lady ninja how to serve cocktails with a sword! I’ll drop 100 bucks a person to check that out. Once.

Restaurant Home Page [Ninja New York]
Another review [LowerManhattan.info]

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The date reads that this edition came out in 1994, the same year as that sad motion picture of the same name which featured the wonderful Raul Julia as the wicked villain M. Bison (the character featured here). This would sadly be his last film role before perishing that year of a cancer-related stroke.

I remember when that happened, remember wondering if making bad cinema can, in fact kill. And if so, why isn’t Joel Schumacher dead yet? ‘Cos wow, his movies blow.

Street Fighter 2 Valentines (from 1994) [forums.somethingawful.com]

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