Ask Dethroner: How Do I Wear Cologne?

Ben Fineman writes:

I am a man and I have no clue how to wear cologne. Given that all of my male friends are as incompetent in this arena as I am, I think that I am not alone. However, my interest in the topic has been piqued by all of the women at work talking about how much they like it when men wear good cologne. So, can Dethroner help?

You bet your ass we can help, Ben. Like most male grooming rituals there is endless debate about the subtleties, but the basics are easy to grasp.

• The default smells – Old Spice and bay rum. If you just want to smell like something, start with one of these two. (The former is a brand name, the latter a type of scent.)

• How much? – Presuming it comes in an atomizer (a squirty, misting thing), go with two full pumps: one on the skin somewhere, like the neck; one on your clothing. The one on your skin will mix with your natural scent, while the one on your clothes won’t be sweated off during the day.

Personally, I think a cologne should only be smelled by someone who is in very close proximity. It’s a whisper, not a trumpet. If you can smell your own cologne after it has dried and mellowed—say, 45 minutes after application—then you’re probably wearing too much.

Never, ever presume cologne is a replacement for a shower. It isn’t.

• Which ones? – You’ll have to try then on for size, but the whole “colognes smell differently from man to man” thing is a little misleading. The cologne is mixing with your natural scent to make something new, but it’s not like it transforms into a wholly new scent; something that smells nice on one person has a pretty high chance of smelling nice on you, too.

I use DKNY’s Be Delicious, a bright, fruity smellum, when just bopping around during the day. I wear Gucci Envy in the evening. In addition I have a Bay Rum from Burt’s Bees which is apparently discontinued. Those three scents form the basis of my cologne collection; which one I use depends on the outfit, time of day, and my general mood. I have a few other colognes that I find interesting for occasional use but too overbearing or complex for my relatively shabby normal clothing.

There’s a great thread on the Forum that has more suggestions, as well as some hokum about pulse points that I don’t necessarily buy in to.

• What about aftershave and deodorant? – If your aftershave already has a smell, you might be smelly enough without adding another conflicting cologne. Be wary of buying a monolithic set of branded products that all share the same smell: They’ll compound and may be overpowering.

As for deodorant, it’s simple: Buy unscented varieties, like those available from Mitchum.