Smoking Cessation: Tips From a Quitter

Quitting smoking is capital-h Hard, at least for several weeks and sometimes months after you initially throw out the cancer sticks. The intensity of the unpleasantness varies from person to person, and even from quit attempt to quit attempt, but in general it is never easy. As of today I haven’t smoked or had any form of nicotine in nearly two years (646 days, to be exact) but that was after some dozen failed attempts. As you might expect, the one that stuck was the one that, for whatever mysterious neurochemical reason, was the least unpleasant. I like to think the Zyban helped, but it is also likely that it just happened to be less painful that time.

Now, before anybody gets the wrong idea, I’m not here to preach. If you want to smoke, then by all means you should—I’m not here to debate whether that desire is just an addiction rationalization. And for the record, when talk of things like smoking bans comes up (we don’t yet have one where I live, but they’re trying really hard) I’m always against them, much to the chagrin of my nonsmoking friends. Freedom first and all that. But there are no doubt plenty of folks who want to quit but don’t think they can, or don’t know how. To those people, I offer the following suggestions:

• It bears repeating—it’s Hard! – Some people seem to think they can just throw a half-empty pack on top of the fridge at any time, say they’re finished with it, and never look back. Well, they’re fooling themselves. It doesn’t work that way, no matter what the smarmy douchebag who claims to have quit with no problem tries to make you believe. Some people have it easier than others, but anybody who claims it was easy and they “just never thought about it ever again” is probably lying; in any case, you shouldn’t expect it to be that easy for you,

• NRT is a scam. Seriously. – NRT is of course Nicotine Replacement Therapy; i.e., any of the jillions of available patches, gums, inhalers, and so forth, which are happy to offer you an alternative addiction delivery system. Avoid them if you really want to quit and stay quit. Their marketing folks claim that they can increase your chances of quitting “by 50%!” but these numbers are not backed up by any reputable studies, and the American Cancer Society studies that are out there indicate that your chances of quitting could actually dramatically decrease. Why?

Well, for one thing, nicotine withdrawal sucks, and once your body is accustomed to a certain blood nicotine level you are going to experience withdrawal unless you have that level of nicotine in your blood. There is no way around it. “Stepping down,” your dependency is a farce, they’re just getting you used to the feeling of withdrawal. So when you get on NRT and your blood nicotine level drops, you find yourself in a state of permanent mild withdrawal, which for most people is the very definition of misery.

When I tried the patch, I was able to do it for a few weeks before deciding that I would rather smoke than be all miserable; of course I didn’t realize at the time why I was so miserable. I figured, hey, I have the nicotine from this patch and I’m still miserable, so clearly not smoking is making me miserable! Stupid perhaps, but it made perfect sense at the time. In any case, giving an addict just enough drug to keep them addicted, but not enough to satisfy their cravings is rarely a viable treatment.

• Go cold turkey. It’s faster and less painful. – To many smokers, my former self included, this statement probably appears to be the height of ignorance but in reality it is the best option. Non-NRT treatments like Zybanare fine—or even acupuncture or hypnotism if that kind of thing works for you—but don’t expect them to be a magic bullet that makes the withdrawal easy and painless. It’s still going to be Hard and require effort. Fortunately, when you’re not using an NRT, you can expect the major withdrawal symptoms to be done in about 72 hours.

That’s right—around three days. Of course, they will feel like the longest three days of your life, but after the initial detox it just gets easier until, eventually, you don’t even think about it anymore.

• However you do it, know what to expect. – Knowledge is your most powerful ally in the battle of the nicodemon. Through all the cravings and withdrawal misery and attempts at rationalization (I’ll just go buy a pack to look at!), if you know what’s coming it’s a hell of a lot easier to fend off. It may also be a good idea to read up on brain chemistry, and how nicotine and withdrawal effect it, so you can at least attempt to say to yourself, “Ahh, that’s just my neuroreceptors rewiring themselves,” when you start having cravings. It worked for me, anyway. Tying into this nicely is the blood sugar factor.

• Blood sugar, blood sugar, blood sugar. – Withdrawal does suck, but you can make it suck a lot less if you understand one fundamental fact: getting off nicotine can wreak havoc with your blood sugar. When you initially quit, your blood sugar will quite probably drop like mad, resulting in various symptoms such as headache, difficulty concentrating, time distortions, dizziness, and a general feeling that reality is just not quite right. This can be exacerbated by the fact that your brain is getting more oxygen than it is used to. Like a car’s motor, your brain needs sugar and oxygen in the right proportions to operate correctly; with oxygen up and sugar down, you could be said to be, “running lean,” although of course this analogy is flawed for a dozen reasons.

The best solution I’ve heard is to drink fruit juice in the morning and eat plenty of small meals throughout the day for the first several days. Eventually everything should more or less even out, but even so your eating needs as a nonsmoker will probably be different than they were when you were smoking. Nicotine acts on your body to increase your blood sugar and suppress not only your appetite but your brain’s need for food. As a smoker you may have eaten one meal a day in the evening, but you may find that you need to eat more like a normal person as a nonsmoker.

• You can never smoke again. – This is the sticker for a lot of people, who don’t want to smoke at their current level (which they presumably feel is excessive), but they don’t want to give up smoking entirely, either. To those people I say, either smoke full time or let it go. The sad truth is, for the vast majority of people the scenario where you just smoke casually once in a while is an impossible dream that serves only to tease and taunt with its yellow-toothed grin. Once nicotine addiction has rewired your brain chemistry to expect a certain amount of nicotine, your chances of getting away with less than that and avoiding withdrawal are virtually zero.

Yes, we all know a Tim or Joe or whomever who claims to have been successful converting to part-time smoker, and in rare cases perhaps they have, but overwhelmingly even Tim and Joe eventually go back to full time smoking sooner or later (whether they tell you about it or not). In my opinion, it’s not worth the pain and misery of putting yourself through repeated cycles of binge and purge, addiction and withdrawal, just so you can smoke once in a while at a party. Evidence suggests it might not be very good for your body either, perhaps even worse than just giving in and smoking full time. So don’t do it.