Ghoulish? My Dog’s Skeleton Hoisted Eternally in Regal Display

I recently stopped a dinner conversation cold with my proclamation that I would, after my bulldog Porter’s demise, like to have his skeleton mounted. Everyone around the table at King Yum paused to stare at me while I quickly tried to shore up my position.

“It’s not like I want him to die,” I reminded them. “I’m just saying, when he kicks off, I bet he’ll have an interesting skeleton.” No one seemed to find my outlook on Porter’s future remains to be healthy.

“It’s kind of morbid to be thinking of that already,” said one dinner companion. “When he gets older you’ll feel differently about getting him stuffed.”

“But I’m not going to get him stuffed,” I qualified. “I want to have them put his body in an aquarium and have those little beetles eat off his flesh then have his bones bleached and strung together with wire.” My girlfriend was aghast, which is her default response to almost anything I suggest, but this worse than even the time I alluded to the possibility of female anal orgasm.

“It’ll go in my den,” I promised, quickly adding that I would also be purchasing a house with a den, or at least a bolt-on, building-expanding den module for our Brooklyn apartment.

So maybe dinner with new acquaintances wasn’t the time to bring up my plans of disposing and displaying Porter’s mortal remains, but I ask you: Is wanting to display my dog’s interesting skeletal structure strange? It’s not that I don’t love him—to death!—but when he’s gone he’s gone, and his hideously deformed skull would serve as loving tribute.

In the den.

English bulldog skull image courtesy of Skulls Unlimited.