Dining to Seduce in New York

I have a confession: “fancy” restaurants scare the shit out of me. I never feel like I fit in, I’m terrified I’ll order something stupid, and I’m cheap. One place at a time I’m getting over it—it’s a shame to live in such a great food town and not go out more—but I doubt I’ll ever have the familiarity this “Don Juan” has with New York restaurants, as he describes the various places he takes women in the city when he wants to get a little action.

I love the gauntlet he faces at the end, as he tries to match celebrities with places they’d let their guard down:

How about Renee Zellweger?

“I think she wants to talk and be talked to. I would take her to Tia Pol, impossible to get in but I would arrange it. She would be impressed. It’s not expensive but it’s serious food.”

Scarlett Johannsen? “She’s a smoker. So I would have to find her a place where she can smoke. That would impress her.” (”Try Cipriani Downtown,” I suggest. “They think they’re in Italy.”)

Nicole Kidman? “ L’Impero. It feels sexy, isolated from the city. Food is very good. Not so expensive. Perfect for Nicole Kidman.”

Sharon Stone: “The Four Seasons for lunch in the Grill.”

“But how would you get a table?” I want to know.

“Are you kidding? I’m with Sharon Stone.”

“My problem is Barbra Streisand,” he blurts out.

Sex, Seduction, Chocolate [Insatiable-Critic.com via Kottke]