Ask Dethroner: Men And Nailpolish?

This one came in last week from a longtime reader, who asks the right guy the right question…

What is your take on men and nail polish? I love having painted toenails and the ladies seem to really dig it. I have even been taken by the arm by a total stranger to have her tell me that I made her day. I think it’s mainly that the ladies really like to see an ‘original’ man — someone who doesn’t necessarily care what the rule book says. My wife thinks it’s very stylin’ and often actually does the painting. I only wish I had the cajones to do the fingernails too. I know Hard Candy tried, years ago, to market nail polish for men but it never took off. Saturday I saw another painted-toenails guy in a bookstore and thought I should ask you for your opinion.

Response after the jump.

Well, having only just an hour ago taken off the fingernail polish I’d been wearing all last week out at the Oregon Country Fair, I have to say that I’m a big supporter of dudes wearing nail polish on toes and fingers. Of course, I’m also a big supporter of dudes piercing their flesh and hanging from meathooks, getting lots of ink, sporting fucked up hairdoo and wearing high heels. I also think it’d be fun to go to jail for a month or two as an adventure that money can’t buy. What can I say, my parents fucked up, but I’m happy this way.

Most other folks, and dudes in particular, will look at a guy wearing nail polish as a freak, bottom line, end of story. It doesn’t matter if it’s one of those bizarro Urban Decay colors that are decidedly non-feminine either. I have only had a period of maybe a month or two, collectively, over the last 20 years where my toes weren’t painted. I’m a total devotee, and I often have painted fingernails too. And I swear by Hard Candy! Their gunmetal grey is great, so is that one that’s glittery black, I think it’s called stardust or something. Urban Decay’s got some good colors too. My wife loves it and we paint each other’s nails all the time.

For the fingers if you’re still leery of doing a bold color – and that’s totally understandable, btw – you may wanna go the mafioso/executive path and get a man’s manicure with a buffed smoth coat of clear polish. Looks elegant and slick without being ‘in your face’. You just feel more…what, sophisticated? Genteel? I dunno, but I dig it, and the service itself feels totally self-indulgent, even if it’s under $20.

You could probably get away with wearing green and gold nail polish to a Green Bay Packer game, but your face and probably your car would have to be painted to match. Otherwise, there is not a lot of room in Middle America for men to wear that stuff.

All this said, the right guy can get away with damned near anything. Keef Richards has been wearing nail polish for decades. I’ve been wearing eyeliner since 1984. If your lifestyle enables it, and you resonate to some kind of left of center look, fucking hell, we need you on the fringe in these increasingly rigid times. Shake things up a little, make people realize that they’re not just mindless drones fitting into prefab boxes. On the other hand, an awful lot of people take comfort in fitting in, and part of that is lobbing stones at those who live outside of the herd.

So yes, if you dare, be prepared to be the subject of ridicule and scorn by most, although those who embrace you doing it are probably the folks you’d prefer to hang with anyway.

Incidently, the picture of the rednecky coot in nailpolish is of Rob “Acidman” Smith, who kept an excellent blog until his untimely death just over a year ago. Do check it out on the link below; his was a brutally honest voice of wisdom from a guy who dealt with alcoholism, coal mining towns and sulphuric acid in Kentucky. Great stories in a frank and strong voice. Kind of a man’s man, even for this weirdo.

Images: Hardcandy.com, GutRumbles.com