Morning Tonic: Gay for Transformers

We went out to dinner with our neighbors the other day and ended up discussing movies; the topic turned to the upcoming Transformers flick. Our friends aren’t particularly snobby or anything, but they expressed disbelief that I could be so excited about such an obvious rock ‘em schlock ‘em robots adventure. Susie reminded me that it’s directed by Michael Bay, who isn’t exactly known for subtext, or even text.

“It’s like when you’re gay,” I declared loudly to anyone who would listen, slurping down hunks of goulash while waving around pieces of bread to emphasize. “You come out and your parents get all freaked out and tell you that it’s just a confusing time for you but you know, deep down, or not even that deep down it could be right at the surface, that you have to have some man inside of you. Doesn’t matter if you’re ashamed or feeling guilty; you just can’t deny that ache.” Susie told me later I was so excited that she thought perhaps I was coming out right there in the restaurant, something I am pretty sure she lives in legitimate fear of every time we go out to eat. Our neighbors set down their spoons.

“That’s how I feel about robots fighting. I know it’s juvenile. I know it’s going to be an awful movie. I just can’t help it. I’m gay for robots fighting. And I want those robots to fight inside of me.”