New Diet Pill Causes Oily Ass Explosions Warns Pill Maker

A new over-the-counter version of Xenical is on the market, dubbed “alli,” which prevents your body from metabolizing fats. What a smart way to save calories, you might think, chawing down on a handful before you tuck into a deep-fried Thickburger. Hold up, Hero Ton-ma: all that fat has to go somewhere. That somewhere is your shorts.

What’s extra funny about this, as the Angry Aussie has discovered, is that the manufacturer implies there is far more than a slight chance you’ll be spraying your underwear crops with inner oil. They nearly promise you’re going to wet your pants with a discharge you might recognize “as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza.”

And my absolute favourite (which is to say, the part of the website that horrifies me most):

“You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it’s probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work.”

alli: Miracle diet pill with teeny-tiny side effect [Angry Aussie/Wordpress.com]