Breaking! Gay Man Writes Book About Bachelor Parties

“You’re the guy writing the bachelor party book? I was expecting someone more like a Marine.” Those were the first words out of the publisher’s mouth when we were introduced. Maybe not a vote of confidence, but totally understandable.

I know I am not the obvious choice to write BACHELOR PARTY CONFIDENTIAL. But I am perhaps the logical choice. Consider this: Closeted until after college, I’ve spent plenty of time doing my best impersonation of a straight dude. I’ve been to more than two-dozen weddings. And hetero friends continue to seek my counsel when it comes to matters of love and lust. In other words, some of my best friends are straight.

Plus, there’s a good reason that in the 2,500 years since this tradition began, there’s never been a book that really looked at it critically: Like joining a fraternity, a man’s participation in a bachelor party is contingent on sworn secrecy and reservation of judgments. Thus, a straight guy writing a book about what really goes on would be akin to treason. And women, well, they’re not on the guest list. So, on some level it takes a gay man to write this book.

But during one of the first interviews, I quickly recognized that I was a tourist in Guyville. I naively asked one married guy, “What’s the deal with vaginas? What’s the attraction?” He was speechless, and then said, “I’m not going to answer that.” I could sense suspicions creeping in and my status shifting from partner-in-crime to enemy combatant.

From then on, I tried my best to blend in. In a sense, I went back into the closet to get the story: I did most interviews by phone. I avoided even remotely homoerotic questions. And when participants inquired about my marital status, I dodged the truth—sometimes I outright lied. I can’t say I feel good about that, but I know the book is truer for it.

And like I told one stripper I interviewed early on: I don’t have a horse in this race. My agenda was not to protect my brothers nor ruin their fun. I simply hoped to present different expressions of a rite of passage that crosses cultural, generational, and geographic lines. I think that’s what I’ve accomplished. But check it out for yourself and let me know what you think.

David, we’ve really enjoyed your contributions this week. Come back any time! – Joel