Fresh Meats: Bathroom Slaughterhouse Delivery

As if we needed more proof that New York was the most delivery-friendly city in the world, today’s Thrillist uncovers a horrifyingly fantastic new service called, simply, “Fresh Meats.”

You choose an easy-to-smuggle, live delicacy (chicken, duck, squab, rabbit, even a snake or frog), and FM will lead it to your tub and do-what-must-be-done. Once it’s dead and bled out, they’ll work with the meat in less horrifying ways (cleaning the carcass, rending the cuts, stewing it in a delicate béchamel sauce, etc) until it’s ready for a glorious presentation.

The most frightening part of this concept is not that they’d kill an animal right before eating it—what better time, really?—but that they’d kill it in a bathroom, full of a frightening amount of microscopic living crud.

“Underground” would have to be the operative term with something like this. There’s no way the city would let it operate legally. I’d say I smell a rat, but they’d probably offer to fry it up.

Fresh Meats [Thrillist]