Damn You, Mom: Style Tips for Short Men

Clothing shouldn’t be a soul-sapping daily reminder of your self-loathing, but when you’re shorter or taller or thinner or fatter than average it’s easy to just ignore fashion entirely to focus on comfort. I mean, you’re never going to look like a model anyway, so why bother, right?

Horseshit. No matter what your body type, there’s clothing that can work for you, either to add height or to remove it, to hide your gut or your spindly torso. Today I’d like to talk about best options for dudes whose bodies aren’t perfect, which I suspect is probably nearly all of us. Let’s start with the pint-sized.

Now shorties, here’s my first tip: If you’re going to marry Katie Holmes, don’t let her stop eating, making her emaciated body look even taller and more lean.

As for actual advice, the basics still apply: Wear thin, closely-cut clothes that keep you looking lean, even down to skinny ties. Pinstripes will lengthen you, although try to keep them understated lest you look like you’re trying too hard. And while it applies to almost everyone regardless of size, spend the extra money to get your clothes tailored; Wearing an oversized shirt will make a short guy look like a hobbit.

But if you’re on the south side of 5′8″ you probably already knew all this stuff, and since I am not really familiar with your travails, I put it out to y’all: What are your favorite tricks for working what God gave you? (Also, to be fair, Tom Cruise does do a good job with what he’s got; We could learn a few things from ol’ nutbag.)

Some decent tips from Alan Au, if you ignore the $130 tie recommendations [MSNBC]