Eight Hats for Cool (and Cold) Weather

• Mad Bomber Hat – A mainstay for kooky side characters for years, these hats are ridiculously warm, as they are lined with rabbit fur. Will you look a little goofy? Maaaybe. I actually think they’re awfully sporty and may just end up buying a leather one, if I don’t end up buying one of Mad Bomber’s other awesome rabbit fur hats first. (Columbia also makes a version called the “Siwwy Wabbit.”)

You can get these hats from lots of places, by the way. I don’t think “Mad Bomber” is an original brand name or anything. If anything, the original brand is probably “CCCP.”

• Columbia Kvichak – The double-layer microfleece keeps your noggin toasty, while the variety of colors means it goes with any outfit. It’s also long enough to pull down over your ears. Sure, a hand-knit cap will always look better, but this one uses science.

Assassin’s Alternate: Columbia AccelErator Six-Point Fleece Beanie. Tell me you wouldn’t want to crawl through six feet of half-frozen sewage to pop your mark’s head like a zit in that thing.

• Goettmann Leather Driving Cap – Not everyone can pull of this look, but for those of you who can I have just four, eternal words: You’re with me, leather.

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• Sports Logo Kippah from Lids for Yids – Hey, it’s football season. If the divine presence is always resting over your head, make sure he’s cheering for the fucking Dolphins.

Oh, no way. An AC/DC yarmulke? Ooh, or KISS. I like the way these Jews think.

• Wool Greek Fisherman’s Cap – Go with the classic grey, Party Idea: Festoon with fish entrails.

I once dated a girl that wore one of these all the time. It was adorable. On you, however, it will give you an excuse to pretend that spit in your face is the stinging salted sea.

• Sam Saba Leather and Sheepskin Wool Hat: The Captain from Hardford York – At $100, this is nearly the most expensive hat on our list, but compared to Hartford York’s other fur hats, like the $995 Mink Trooper, it’s a bargain.

Also consider “The Commissar.”

• Bailey Gentry Fedora – Nope, not everybody can pull this off, but take this bit of advice I learned from a wise Arab haberdasher: If you’re going to go all the way, go with the camel.

This hat comes with some homework: With what outfit could one wear this hat without looking like he was trying too hard? My head is like planet, but I know someone out there knows how to wear this.

• A Hat of Meat – Verily, the penultimate.

Please add you suggestions in the comments; For one, I didn’t list nearly enough mild weather hats.