BOOM! And The Next Thing You Hear Is…

A lot of these aren’t that funny. However, the piece needs to be taken on the whole: Steve Martin has written a nice barbed thrust at the fringe fundamentalist assholes whose romantic notion of their reward after dying in a bold and stupid move for Allah will be seventy-two virgins wating for them in Heaven.

Here’s a slice:

Virgin No. 29: Well, I’m a virgin, but my hand isn’t.

Virgin No. 30: You are in?

Virgin No. 31: Hi, cowboy. I just rode down from Brokeback Mountain.

Virgin No. 32: I’m a virgin because I’m so ugly.

Virgin No. 33: You like-ee?

Virgin No. 34: I’ll betcha you can’t get an erection. Go on, impress me. C’mon, show me. Show me, big shot.

Virgin No. 35: By the way, here in Heaven “virgin” has a slightly different meaning. It means “chatty.”

Virgin No. 36: Sure, I like you, but as a friend.

Virgin No. 37: No kissing. I save that for my boyfriend.

Virgin No. 38: I’m Zania, from the planet Xeron. My vagina is on my foot.

Shouts & Murmurs [newyorker.com]