I Love You, Honey…Now Smell Like This

While we’re on the subject of artificial body odor, I find myself wondering about Eau De Femme. Like I said before, I don’t wear cologne much at all, but I love it when a woman wears a scent. Just a little dab behind the ears, maybe. Something on the pulse points, really. That’s all it takes. I’m one of those blokes who never feels like a woman is capable of smelling foul anyway—how sexist of me—and just a hint of the floral or the spice mixing with her naked scent is enough to put heaven itself up my nose.

That said, I know a few trashy broads who splash on way too much cheap crap, and let me say it here first: even Chanel No.5 quickly turns into cheap crap if there is far too much of it on someone. Might have something to do with the high urea content of most perfumes.

Might sound odd, but I have only purchased one single bottle of perfume for a woman. Ever. For some reason I feel like that’s outside of my boundaries, and while I understand this is a bit irrational of me, it’s the truth. And I’m a rather fey guy at that; I get away with stuff that most men can’t with most women. I can buy shoes for women and not step on their toes by doing so (surprisingly, women often take offense at that kind of thing, inasmuch as they love shoes.) I have given anti-aging cream and wrinkle ointments to mature ladies and somehow managed to not insult them. Thing is, when a woman trusts your judgment with her hair, even lets you cut it, you are in a sweet spot to give her counsel about almost anything. Perhaps that’s why I got into the beauty thing in the first place, actually…

But the scent game is another story. This feels, to me, like a very personal area. Perfume is a reflection on a woman’s biological makeup. Scent is a language, perfume thus a statement, and who am I to speak for a woman? If I were to purchase a scent for my wife or anyone else for a birthday, Valentine’s Day, or any other occasion, the only way I would feel comfortable doing so would be to replace something I already knew she enjoyed and was running out of.

Certainly there have been particular scents I’ve adored along the way and love to encounter. When Poison first arrived on the shelves in the mid-80’s it was mysterious, warm and exotic without being too spicy. My girlfriend Jasmine used to wear that and it was perfectly married to her British/Iranian background, somehow. Another girl wore Halston, which fit her mid-late ’70s style perfectly. Clean scent with a hint of excess. Every once in a while Xtine wears this curious stuff called Cookie Dough, which smells sweet and light and edible. It evokes happiness, and she only wears it when she really wants to give me a treat. Boy, does it work.

I’m interested to know if perfume is something that most other guys feel comfortable purchasing for their women, and if so, why, and what brands do you tend towards? Are you a repeat buyer of the same brand for different women, or do you tailor-scent each one?