Roses Are Red: Valentine Flowers For Your Girl

Any boob worth a girl’s time will not forget the prime ingredient in the valentine’s day tradition—flowers are your key to her heart and loins as well. If you forget them, you ain’t getting the love. Okay, chocolates in a heart-shaped box are kind of on the same page, but the roses are key. Thing is, unless you’re a florist yourself, you need to know that not just any roses will suffice.

On Valentine’s Day proper, you’ll be able to pick up a cheap box of poorly raised long stemmed roses from Argentina for a seeming pittance, from nearly every convenience store and gas station. You heard it here—let the scrubs drop that chump change for those crappy arrangements. If all your lover is worth to you is that kind of afterthought, you’ve got better things to spend your money on anyway.

A romantic man of substance, however, will put forth some time and effort in advance, as well as the dollars to make sure the job is done right. In short: employ a professional.

It is no surprise that this is the busiest time of the year for the floral business, the closer it gets to Valentine’s day, the more hectic it becomes. A few years back I stepped in to do temp work for my friend Elizabeth of Elizabeth Ryan Floral Design in Manhattan. She serves a fairly high profile community, and I mainly worked her phones to take orders. It was insane, and I was amazed at the quality of work they were able to turn out on such high demand. At least 50% of the calls were return customers.

Here are a few tips I picked up from that experience:

• Do not wait until the last minute.

• Do NOT wait until the last minute. It is both considerate to the florist as well as convenient for you to make your arrangements for her arrangement early. You’ll have more time to express your wishes, listen to options and suggestions, and add any special touches you might like to make on her behalf.

• Every florist groans loudly when they take an order for long stemmed red roses. They arte tacky and trite, they usually look terrible in the average vase, and are only truly suitable for dried arrangements. Go for a tight bouquet of short stems for a short bowl – the density of the packing looks spectacular and they’ll hold their shape and color longer.

• Roses are great, but they’re not the only red flower, nor are they the only bud that can look lovely in a Valentine’s Day arrangement. There are a world of options to accompany the roses, petals for contrast and emphasis. There is an entire language of flowers, each steeped in culture. It is possible to speak of your lover’s many virtues with a variety of choices; any florist worth your time will be able to discuss this at length.

• Elizabeth also offers this: “Anything red will cost twice as much as normal, so for instance, this year, I am offering gorgeous full arrangements in a rectangular glass vase in shades of pink; still romantic, but you get the value. A smart girl will know that a gorgeous arrangement is what counts, and red doesn’t mean love any more than any other color. However, yellow, representing friendship, might not work so well.” She offers the following as an example of a great non-traditonal Valentine’s Day arrangement.

• Conversely, perhaps it’s worth giving her something that will hold up more than a few days. You’re married to the long stemmed idea? Fine. Go for a dried arrangement that she can actually keep more than a week. They look wonderful and will be sprayed to last as long as your relationship. Perhaps longer, actually. My grandmother has dried arrangements in her house years after her husband passed on, but they still made her think of him every time she saw them. However, Elizabeth says that she wouldn’t really recommend dried arrangements on V-day, that the occasion is not about practicality, and the gesture might piss women off.

• Cheap and easy: pluck one rose from the arrangement after you are home together, draw her a bath, and sprinkle the petals on the water after it has cooled a bit; women love that kind of thing. Another sweet idea: strew some petals on the bedsheets. It smells nice, looks romantic, and you will be guaranteed some good lovin’ for it. Side note—someone will wind up with a petal or two stuck between the asscheeks.