USDA Forest Service Reins in Freewheeling Woodsy the Owl

As a child, a man-sized brown owl would visit my school, leading us in a song that I remembered this very morning, as I sang it to my girlfriend while she sharpened her bayonets.

Give a hoot, don’t pollute!
Don’t be a dirty bird!
In the city or in the woods,
help keep America looking good!

Prompted by my song—which she’d never heard, having gone to an inferior elementary school—we began to look for evidence of the song’s mascot, Woodsy the Owl, on the web. We found him…or what was left.

I do not like to abuse the strong position of social power afforded me as proprietor of this web site, but I am shocked and dismayed to discover that Woodsy’s patrons, the USDA Forest Service, has chosen to scrap the plump, welcoming design of “Old Woodsy” [left]with an outfit that looks like a man with a giant chicken nugget for a head. It is my duty to bring this to your attention. They put shoes and a shirt on Woodsy!

I’m calling you out USDA Forest Service: Bring back Old Woodsy, perhaps the most adorable federally-owned mascot in the history of this great nation. If it were not bad enough that you’ve changed Woodsy’s image, you’re encouraging people to destroy the old costumes “beyond recognition.”