Discovering Porn on Your Boyfriend’s Computer
29 Comments Published by Joel August 24th, 2007 in Relationships, Sex. Share ThisHere’s one woman’s four-page tale about the emotionally wrenching heartache and deep-tissue discussions she had to go through after discovering—while looking through her boyfriend’s web browser logs—that he purchases and uses porn. It’s almost touching, if it weren’t so pathetic.
To the author’s credit, she basically works it out by the end of the discussion with her boyfriend and acknowledges that it isn’t a big deal, but the comments are filled with paranoid wives warning her about the horrible addictive nature of porn. It’s as bad as meth!
Pornography is unnatural, but no more so than any use of photography or television to store and transmit images. The aim of every anti-porn issue is the desire to control a man’s sexual desires. I’d go on but I just woke up and I need to find some porn.
Discovering Porn (On Your Boyfriend’s Computer) [DivineCaroline]
29 Responses to “Discovering Porn on Your Boyfriend’s Computer”
- 1 Trackback on Aug 27th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
That is appalling and horribly offensive! Who the heck actually *pays* for online porn?? Why would you ever pay when there’s an infinite amount of free stuff?!?
I read this article, after it showed up on Digg (sorry Joel, next time I’ll try to get you the re-direct traffic instead), and felt confused by it. Why should guys have to justify having or looking at porn? I mean, isn’t porn for guys about the equivalent of a gallon of ice cream and a marathon of Oprah or baby shows or stuff like that for women?
Further, the woman in this story found links to pornographic web sites. Really? Web sites? First off, its 2007, guy, find some torrents and lose the digital footprints known as “web history.” Download a few vids, and hide them in a file folder deep within 3 other folders that no person would ever reasonably look in. Problem solved. Second, at least ACT like you’re computer savvy, dude, and figure out this neat new function of web browsers called “clear your history.” Third, nobody should EVER let their girlfriend make them feel embarrassed about their porn… unless its embarrassing porn, like threesomes involving donkeys and salad bars or crazy shit like that. Watching two porn-star quality chicks scissor each other while you’re in a relationship isn’t anything that should make a guy feel shitty about himself; its a beautiful thing, seeing two gorgeous women go at it, and lets face it, thats just not gonna happen in one’s monogamous relationship. Besides, who hasn’t woken up one morning or another and felt like letting one go to Jenna Jameson (before she became an 80-lb stick-figure, that is)?
Ultimately, while reading this, I kinda played out how I thought I might handle a similar situation (if/when I am ever encumbered by such an encounter), and maybe I’m being unrealistic here, but I envisioned much less blushing and embarrassment, and much more, “deal with it, I’m a guy.”
Well said, Pete, well said.
Pete’s right. If anything, I’d be pissed that the guy was too stupid to find free porn.
Way to make a big deal out of nothing, woman.
To say nothing of the relative impropriety between him looking at porn and her grepping through his damn log files. I have a hard time believing her innocent story about searching for “fireplace tools” and oh hey look at that, I stumbled across some porno, certainly through no privacy-invading paranoid actions of my own!
The only porn I will pay for is barely porn at all (Suicide Girls which I ended up letting my subscription laps on anyway since the girls have become very stale)
But to freak out this much over it, give me a break. Im glad my fiance has no issues with porn like this.
I mean I can understand if it was like German scat porn of kiddie porn but from the look of it, was just general run of the mill breast augmented porn.
Hey, my ex-girlfriend found porn on my PC.
She purposefully went thought my computer looking for evidence of cheating. When she came across my cookies and FLIPPED. There were cookies from sites I’ve never been to, like rape fetish sites. I fessed up to the others, but I never been to those fetish sites, I’m old fashioned!
Needless to say, I dumped her for being an un-trusting nosy bitch.
Shame on that guy for letting his girl have unsupervised access to his computer where the spank-bank was located. Dude, password your shit up.
I had a girlfriend in college stumble upon my analog porn stash in the closet whilst I was late returning from class. I walk in, she’s got titty mags scattered all over the floor, furious, yelling “Is this what you like?!”. My response: “Yes. Yes it is. I also like privacy, so get the fuck out, we’re done.”
And I’m with Pete as well. It’s 2007 man, being an alpha male hunter gatherer extends to the digital realm now. A man that has to pay for porn because he can’t find anything good for free should wear a sign that says “technologically retarded troglodyte.” Unless it’s the odd subscription to one’s favorite porn chick/model. But even then, you sign up, download everything, and cancel the next month. Easy peasy.
This wasn’t so much a bashing of porn as a spankstitution but an article about a girl who is damaged goods. She says she’s got all this baggage about previous boyfriends who got defensive and told her she wasn’t good enough so they resorted to porn to get off. She’s not (as Dan Savage or his readers would say) GGG (Good, Giving and Game) but that doesn’t matter, because her boyfriend is apparently completely neutered as well. He only likes the missionary position, is completely fulfilled with vanilla sex, doesn’t abuse her and would appreciate Fireplace Tools as a xmas gift? What kind of dork is she with?
Every girl would like to think that they’re not only the apple of their man’s eye when they’re physically there, but also in their heads when they jerk the beef too. Sadly this just isn’t the case. Most guys think about other girls when they jerk off because, hey, they can. Even if you’re deleriously happy with the person you’re with, if you have a chance to play god in your mind (or on the computer) and you can see anyone you want doing anything you want to anyone else you want… why on earth would you pick the girl you already have?
Wow. I didn’t read the article all the way, but I did read the comments. I’ve been victimized by crazy girlfriends who found the porn stash before.
Best ever? A girl I had been dating for 3 years (but should have dumped long before that) found 1 picture of a guy getting head on my computer. She told me it was the same as if I had cheated! My response…. “I wish I had ACTUALLY gotten my dick sucked, instead of just pretended.”
Good riddance, lady.
These are the most mysogynistic responses I have ever come across
“He said this would be a good time to tell me: he has caught me masturbating in my sleep. Several times.”
Someone had to point it out.
Why would anyone masturbate in their sleep? That seems to just be a waste … or weird, or something. Personally, I enjoy being awake when I let one go, it’s more enjoyable that way.
Moreover, Frank, such comments are unnecessary at a blog that prides itself on being all about manly shit.
does any one know how to clean up your mess after for surfing porn?
I use my girlfriends computer . erasing history to obvious ( she will know i
had something to hide) . something that will delte history/activity just
for one session. i use her profile.
You should be able to just delete specific entries from the history. For the dropdown box, I think shift-delete (? maybe?) will delete single entries from the address bar.
Personally, I’d check out portableapps.com, put Firefox on a USB drive, and just use that.
Errrrr….or what kind of mess are you talking about? :-P For the other messes, some bathroom cleaner and a damp cloth should fix things up!
Yea, ummm… After reading the article it seemed like she spazzed a bit in the beginning but came to terms with it and she sounds like she’s okay with it now. I guess I just find it a little surprising that she didn’t just assume that he looked at porn. I guess in my own little world view that most people realized that almost all guys and a very healthy percentage of women look at/watch porn. I mean isn’t that a comedy tripe now, “Oh, my boyfriend doesn’t look at porn.” “All guys look at porn.” *Canned Laughter*.
I guess I’ve been open about my porn viewing with the girlfriends I’ve had, and I guess I’ve maybe had one where it just didn’t come up. I’ve even watched porn with a number of them. I’m not sure why some people get so upset about it. We’re a weird country we don’t have that much of a problem with violence in our media, but when it comes to sex we’re so repressed, which I guess historically and now we are kind of the opposite of Europe.
Good for that couple for working it out I guess, but I do agree with everyone else here, and subscribe to the why pay model. Except for the guy who said maybe a favorite star or something (but even then it’s possible to maybe find a site-rip from bittorrent (am I revealing a little to much info here) but then you’re getting into the territory that you get into with music where you feel like your favorite artist should be making money from their work).
Anyway my $.02
Oh as far as stealthily browsing porn, unless you’re using the family computer, don’t do it. It’s not something to be ashamed of. If the girlfriend asks about it tell her it’s a masturbatory aid. If she pushes further let her know that you do feel the urge either when she’s not there or when she doesn’t feel the same urge, and you need to handle matters yourself. If she’s not okay with you looking at other women point out that you don’t have any material of her in that format, if she wants you to only think about her like that, you guys need to break out either the camera or make some video.
I’m not trying to be misogynistic, men are more visually oriented than women who seem to be more (not sure what the right word is) fantasy/mind’s eye oriented. Which might be why there are more female oriented sex toys than there are male ones, of course that may just be anatomy.
Recommendation: Use Safari on the mac using ‘private browsing.’ no need to clear cache or history. It’s like porn was never there :)
Just as porn is a part of most men’s lives, so porn is a big deal for a lot of women – each side really needs to just deal with it.
That said, this is a lot about finding the right match, and level of porn usage is probably one of those things a couple should figure out early on, along with all those other relationship factors.
And hey! Don’t go knocking vanilla sex and fireplace tools! Guys like that can be wonderful overall.
All in all – it takes all kinds.
To anyone reading this that thinks these guys are a bunch of sad, desperate losers? You are right. The fact of the matter is that not a single one of them is able to interact with real women to the extent where they can share a completely open, non-secretive and more importantly, respectful relationship with a real, intelligent, beautiful woman. If they could, they loved her, and she had a problem with porn, they would no longer WANT to use it. Therefore, these types of guys cannot get what they want from real human interaction and have to resort to ‘virtual’ forms of it, and even pay for it, ha ha! I feel sorry for them really. They will always be the type of guys that sit at computers spanking over sad images on their own, or visiting prostitutes and lap-dancing clubs to get their kicks. I wouldn’t worry about it. There are surprisingly guys out there that are sophisticated, mature and gorgeous, that will take a woman out, enjoy culture with her, make love to her in every way possible and knock her entirely off her feet. These are REAL men. No woman should sell herself short on a loser, porn-freak, cyber-geek etc etc.
Why am I here? I have found secret porn on a few boyfriends computers and dumped them (something I have no quibbles over doing immediately). Of course, they come running back, begging, pleading, that they have lost the best thing that ever happened to them. After reading what this lot have got to say, I am 100% confident it is the right thing to do! Onwards and upwards I say!
Right on, Charlie. If I don’t like the idea of my man having sex with other women online, and I ask him to respect my wishes, then he’d better toe the line or get out. I’m too sexy, intelligent and wonderful to put up with an online hooker’s leftovers. If he wants visual stimulation during our “off time”, then let the lazy bastard buy me some lingerie and pull out his digital camera.
The “we’re biologically mandated to desire and inseminate as many women as we can” argument is a false legend at best, and a really lame excuse for the worst impulses of one whose mommy didn’t show him enough attention.
Over a million years ago, humanity emerged from the forest to become hunters and gatherers. Along with an enlarged brain and the necessity to care for infants over a more prolonged period of time than primates, monogamous relationships became the norm. Cooperation and not sexual conflict was needed to make this system work: not only did men need to work together to make a hunting expedition possible, but they also didn’t like the idea that all this effort might go towards supporting genetic material (a child) that wasn’t their own.
That’s right, over a million years ago we had separated from primates and found a system that was for our benefit: are you monkeys then going to argue that you’re biologically driven to screw as many women as you can, if not in reality, then in your fantasies? Then you need to find a Real Woman… and in turn, you need to become a Real Man.
ok here is your open minded female who recently found porn on boyfriend’s computer. It wasn’t the finding porn that upset me, i told him i look at it too, hell i told him i used to masterbate every morning… what pisses me off is our sex had gone down the tube.. ok i was getting lack of!! also, as a women i dont want something thats been getting off too much, i want the big bang from him… now i can’t help but wonder how he would feel if he was looking through the porn only to find nakeys of me there??? and know other men seen them as well!! so guys tell me what if your nosey girlfriend decided she cant beat them she join them and post herself up everywhere??? personally i think two people should have some sacred grounds to their relationship.
To be honest, when I found a stash on my significant other’s computer, I was less than forgiving at first. I, like many other women, are a bit on the insecure side and could not imagine why the man who “chooses” me would want to imagine being with anyone else. He explained to me (after much nasty argument) the same things you guys said (”God” Mode). I do have a bit more understanding and acceptance toward the matter, but I will still say I can’t help but feel a bit inadequate, even now. Oh well, that’s what we get for being emotional I guess.
In her defense, I was typing “www.myspace.com” into his website address bar, and before I even got the “y” in, a drop-down list of all his previously entered addresses popped up, one of which a porn site that also began with “m”. Though I am normally paranoid on a regular basis, I would not have been so angry if he hadn’t tried to hide all of his porn sites in a sub-folder instead of the normal “Bookmarks” folder, which I decided to look for myself AFTER finding the drop-down; or should I say, the drop-down finding me. It’s more of an insult of him thinking me so ignorant than him fantasizing about other women.
Like they always say guys, “Don’t bullshit a bullshitter”.
P.S. What kind of man only likes missionary and DOESN’T like even doggy style? Christ, I’m a woman and even I love it.
P.P.S. Anyone have advice on what to do when you find out he took a topless picture of a girlfriend of mine (from my computer while I was sleeping) and sent it to himself, and then later denied it and tried to cover it up with another lie? I need all the help I can get!
Thanks!
I forgot… AMEN Malka! ;)
what bothers me is guys totally talk down about girls like that. and what nothing to do with girls who are like that. like they don’t want a g/f who is like that but yet they STILL want to watch it. Thats very hypocritical to me.
another thing that bothers me is that when you mention that you are not okay with it the whole attitude even from the guys above is JUST DEAL WITH IT. Sorry if it makes you uncomfortable but you just have to deal with it. Even though you know that if you and him are going to be together, especially for a while ,that you are not the only person he is ever going to want to see naked. And its disappointing to girls when their issues get tottally pushed aside. Its to insensitivity. I would like to do something that makes my boyfriend or any guy with this mentality sick to his stomach and tell him well sorry you don’t like it, deal with it. And supposely every guy is like this? When does a girl get a break. I would love to be okay with it. so no wonder why relationships end due to fustration. Its always the girls who must understand, never the guys.
what makes me mad is not seeing a naked girl if we’re watching a movie but him seeking out to see naked girls and jacking off to them. call it insecurity if you will but that looks like an ongoing battle and a mute point and not a resolution. I would clearly like to find a solution that makes both paries happy.
What a sad world we live in. Were we have to accept that the person we love, wants to look at other woman, men, animals…WHATEVER it might be engaging in sexual activities. Does no one have the spine to say that they are worthy and deserving of someone who will love them and only them fully? Is there no one who would devote there time and effort to make there loved one feel this way? No wonder divorces have been come as common as brushing your teeth. Porn is healthy? Am I reading this right….porn is healthy? Have you noticed what females are doing to themselves to compete with this smut.You might even know someone: a sister, mother, daughter, girlfriend, wife, who feels the need to dress like a whore because they want your attention, get breast implants,have vaginal reconstructive surgery and perform distasteful sexual acts so they can compete with this “healthy porn”(as your calling it). This is what we are telling our loved one that “they will have to deal with”? I bet if your daughter stumbled across it…you’d loose that “fuck you , deal with it attitude right away”. Nice example for the love of your life and anyone else you might be having to explain your need for this too. Men you evolved from apes…so stop acting like you are still one. You learned to shit in a toilet…so learn to devote your time to your wife/girlfiend. Woman get a fucking backbone and realize your self worth. It’s a sad world we live in.
Hello
I watch porn and enjoy it, but I hate the fact that my boyfriend watches it far more than I do. He says it ’s something he has struggled with a long time since childhood.
I have also been interested since childhood. But I tried to stop because I felt like a bit of a freak.
I have not been honest with him about my veiwings. And I feel like a great hypocrit when I sweat him making him feel guilty. I begin to feel like I’m not enough for him and that messed with me. I understand that it can be something one enjoys and that it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me, after all I adore him, yet I watch and it.
I broke up with him and he’s asking for another chance. Part of me wants to be okay with it but the othe night he came over and we had a session that would not end, he couldn’t cum. I wasn’t like other night when I plead with him not to cum so he can keep f*%king me. I was weird like he had used up his juices.
I asked him if he had watched porn and he addmitted to it, and said he only did so,so that he could last longer with me. I was upset because a fresh dick is so much better than a used up dry one. I felt cheated out of the hot sex we ussually have. It crossed over to our love making. I can’t believe that his addiction is so severe that he has to watch it before he come over.
He is not deprived I will and have done it all, I talk dirty, I let him slap my ass, I suck on him and let him cum in my mouth amoung other stuff, yet that is not enough. He still has to go on and jerk off…. I’m not sure if I should give him a second chance, He is a good person and loves me I just know it.
Maybe I’ll just walk away and find someone that doesn’t watch-ha-ha, is there such a man?
Kim, you are spot on. In a situation I was in recently the tables turned, and the threat of my involvement in such activity made my significant other re-think his attitudes. They are all someones daughter/sister/girlfriend etc. They wouldn’t like it if they saw their daughter in such a film.
WHAT ABOUT GOD…has everyone turned there back on God. it seems like no one even factors that in anymore…no one cares how they look in the eyes of God? I understand Desire I’ve been a sinner to, but don’t you feel ..bad afterward like your dirty and wronge. our morals are fading so fast and we will all soon face our ends.