Morning Tonic: Gay for Transformers
34 Comments Published by Joel June 28th, 2007 in Movies. Share This
We went out to dinner with our neighbors the other day and ended up discussing movies; the topic turned to the upcoming Transformers flick. Our friends aren’t particularly snobby or anything, but they expressed disbelief that I could be so excited about such an obvious rock ‘em schlock ‘em robots adventure. Susie reminded me that it’s directed by Michael Bay, who isn’t exactly known for subtext, or even text.
“It’s like when you’re gay,” I declared loudly to anyone who would listen, slurping down hunks of goulash while waving around pieces of bread to emphasize. “You come out and your parents get all freaked out and tell you that it’s just a confusing time for you but you know, deep down, or not even that deep down it could be right at the surface, that you have to have some man inside of you. Doesn’t matter if you’re ashamed or feeling guilty; you just can’t deny that ache.” Susie told me later I was so excited that she thought perhaps I was coming out right there in the restaurant, something I am pretty sure she lives in legitimate fear of every time we go out to eat. Our neighbors set down their spoons.
“That’s how I feel about robots fighting. I know it’s juvenile. I know it’s going to be an awful movie. I just can’t help it. I’m gay for robots fighting. And I want those robots to fight inside of me.”
34 Responses to “Morning Tonic: Gay for Transformers”
- 1 Trackback on Jun 28th, 2007 at 2:48 pm
- 2 Trackback on Jun 29th, 2007 at 11:11 am
Damn! I choked on my morning coffee reading this
Joel, did your neighbours leave after your ‘inside of me’ confession?
And was there some roleplaying afterwards, in the bedroom, where Susie was to play the transformer and… and..
Oh god, I spit toast all over my screen with that last comment.
Then I came to realise that how we *all* should feel about the new transformers movie.
I think it’s how I feel about the new IJ movie. But that might be in a bit of a different context….
I guess I’m the only one who wasn’t eating when he read this, but I did laugh so hard I started coughing.
That was a eloquent way of saying how I have felt for years about the very same kind of schlock that I love (Japanese rubber monster movies, Ultraman, comic book crap), and damned funny to boot! I know exactly how you feel but have never put it together with the gay thing before, heh. Anyway, that was a good way to start the day, thanks.
Holy crap!!!
I just about s_it (errrr…., spit, yeah, that’s it, spit) when I read this! Only a true Transformer maniac would get that feeling. But “inside of me”???
Yikes!!!
egg-zackly…
Somehow, you just made me excited for Transformers. And I’m not even gay (for men or robots).
OK, how about “manly excited for Transformers? Errr…, nope, that doesn’t sound right either. Maybe “testosteronely (is that a word?) challenged”? Hmmm…., nope, not that either.
Dude, you just gotta come outta the closet and say it. You’re hot for Transformers!
SO the question now is, is it Optimus Prime or Bumble Bee who really drives you up the wall?
Goodtimes at dinner that night. Had I not laughed (loudly) when he said it, I don’t think they would have realized he was “joking”.
And yes, I am quite looking forward to this movie.
Me too, actually…
Your greatest post ever.
How can anyone not be excited for Transformers?
If I’m really excited about this movie, does that make me straight for Transformers?
Shit, I think I’m having my first coming out crisis.
Hell yeah man, that’s exactly how I feel about the Transformers too… my girlfriend somehow missed the Transformers growing up (too busy with Jem and the Holograms or something) and when I tried to describe to her the sheer awesomeness of The Transformers, I could not put it into words… All I could say was… GIGANTIC. ROBOTS. FIGHTING.
I’m going to see the Michael Bay movie not because I think he’s going to do an amazing job with storyline, etc (hah!) but because he really does excel at making movies where things blow up massively for the duration of the show. Oh, and the GIANT FRICKING ROBOTS FIGHTING. Sorry about the all-caps… but this is Transformers.
That was the greatest analogy I have ever read. I’m glad I wasn’t drinking anything because I don’t have anything to clean my monitor with.
My Buddy in the Philippines just saw the movie. He said it was awesome! Can’t stop talking about it!
this fits in well with colbert’s reference to them as “trannies.”
I am glad someone could finally put into words the way I have been feeling all these years
Wow, the article from slate about being gay if you liked the film 300 and now this! I can’t wait for the Transformers movie either…but I’m not gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
Bumblebee is a total twink.
WANTED: A good proctologist to remove Optimus-Prime action figure from Joel’s coolie. Will pay two Decepticon figures and Doc can keep Optimus Prime also. Serious inquires only please.
I am gay for this blog post.
I saw it last night. It blew chunks.
Great visual effects, awful, awful, awful story.
Cringeworthy dialogue…..ah hell I won’t say anything more, you’re all going to see it anyway.
Just be warned.
I left feeling …. numb…..afterwards.
Michael Bay raped my childhood!
This post is so beautiful that it actually made me cry. No, really.
Just so you dont have the urge to have anything inside you in two weeks everything golden… I don’t think I can take a session of vigorous spooning.
I saw the movie last night.
I was a fan of the series. After seeing the episodes on youtube I laughed a lot. Not as good as I remember. However the movie was an absolute blast. I went in knowing I was going to hate it and came out entertained. I spent all last night dreaming of robots kicking the shit out of each other. I might go and see it again :)
I went to see this movie on a sneak preview ticket last night and let me just say how increadibly awesome it was.
I know I’m right in that age group that was asking for all the toys at the height of popularity back in the 80’s… something that people who are older than me don’t really seem to understand here at work. Somehow that means the movie was catering to ME and my friends directly, so I guess you could say my review is a little biased.
I went into the theater not expecting much. I had seen the new trailers and decided that it looked like it COULD be pretty good, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up.
Well, I was just blown away. The story was pretty good, the effects were amazing, the girl was HOT, and the ending didn’t have a plot hole you could drive Optimus Prime through.
I actually went out to my car, got inside and felt something that I haven’t felt for 20 years… a longing for the car to turn into a 30 foot tall robot. I liked it.
I thought i was the only one!
I too, am Gay for Giant Robots! Gay, I tells ya! GAY!
When it comes to movies, I can be a pretty liberal guy. I like cheese (ie Grindhouse) and I like the uber-serious shit (like Pi). But this movie…i just don’t know.
I’ve sworn to all in my vicinity that I’m boycotting Transformers and Die Hard 4, because they look horrendous. The character designs – her it comes – raped my childhood. Star wars fanboys, my anus feels your pain.
Now if Bay was to do a MACROSS movie, I would see that shit without question.
If susie leaves you…will u have me? I keep running around the house singing “TRANSFORMERS More than meets the EYE..TRANSFORMERS (pause) ROBOTS in disGUISE” the last word of which me and my brother and I would get into rock em sock ems as he kept arguing it was “robots in the skies”…dork.
Anyway, my 8 yo son is getting really annoyed with me singing it over and over and shows no interest and HE’S on the autistic spectrum. I mean, where did I go wrong? BTW, lame ass neighbors. I mean GOD, I bet you sat through their hand job of how much they loved Don DeLilo’s latest “wtf is he talking about?” book.
I always thought the show was cheesy, the animation was lousy, the level of fandom surrounding it peculiar, and the overall concept of robots that change into other things was just plain stupid.
But if there’s a gay factor, I’ll check it out.
Hey Joel, my dick turns into a robot. It’ll totally fight your Throatimus Prime. And win!
“I’m gay for Transformers”
…That would make for the most awesome t-shirt of this summer.
Ok. I saw it twice. It was so good even my older sister went and seen it both times. (Just cause it was just that damn good. This movie lives up to the original transformers and delivers updated ideas to the mighty bots of my childhood. I left there feeling 9 years old. I only wish it could last longer. I mean when do you dream of Semi’s and Jets fighting? I had to fight the urge of running out of the theater singing the theme song on the way out. I mean If i am gay for transformers then I guess I need to wave the flag. a rainbow colored autobot symble. I say it loud and proud. if you think transformers sucked you obviously aren’t into cars or big explosions. (and if i heard it right most men agree, They like to blow shit up and they like horsepower.) And trust me when a robot gets decapitated it’s even better!!! so for everyone else well you already know!!! the most important things in a guy flick are (in no preticular order) Hot women, fast cars. Big explosions, and any of the fore mentioned in multiply combinations!!! So Mr, Bay if you read this… Keep it coming!!! Thank you sir, can I have another.