New Diet Pill Causes Oily Ass Explosions Warns Pill Maker
13 Comments Published by Joel June 20th, 2007 in Fitness. Share ThisA new over-the-counter version of Xenical is on the market, dubbed “alli,” which prevents your body from metabolizing fats. What a smart way to save calories, you might think, chawing down on a handful before you tuck into a deep-fried Thickburger. Hold up, Hero Ton-ma: all that fat has to go somewhere. That somewhere is your shorts.
What’s extra funny about this, as the Angry Aussie has discovered, is that the manufacturer implies there is far more than a slight chance you’ll be spraying your underwear crops with inner oil. They nearly promise you’re going to wet your pants with a discharge you might recognize “as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza.”
And my absolute favourite (which is to say, the part of the website that horrifies me most):“You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it’s probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work.”
alli: Miracle diet pill with teeny-tiny side effect [Angry Aussie/Wordpress.com]
When I first saw the tv ad for the stuff, I laughed and wondered why anyone would use it… but then I got to thinking that it might be genius way to retrain yourself to eat better. I mean, if you shit your pants every time you eat something fatty, you’d probably be less inclined to eat fatty foods, right?
I’m sure I read that the VP admitted in a Press release that he has had the oily discharge himself.
I think its a smart idea.. i just started taking it and the only time you get sick and pretty much poop yourself is if you eat stuff your not supposed to and to much of it. Taking this pill makes me a lot more aware of what im eating and helps me to not pig out… i ate salad at a birthday party instead of pizza!!
Fuck that. I enjoy farting way too much to worry about squirting oil in my pants.
I wonder if you can use that discharge in a salad dressing or something like that. Talk about innovation!
sounds like the next renewable fuel to me
If it only does the bad stuff whenever you eat more than enough of foods that are not supposed to be eaten, then it’s a great idea. Based on the article alone, I thought it was just another diet pill.
I’ve gotta chime in, because of all the negative press this thing has been getting. I’ve been taking it since sunday, and i’ve already lost five fucking pounds, and haven’t had any side effects. Not water weight. I lost all of that from the nine million other things i’ve been trying to get into shape from the wedding. Aversion therapy is totally part of it, but seriously, after months of dieting and nothing (pills, diets, exercise) taking off a single pound, this pill is the best goddamn thing that’s happened to me in years. It’s just about retraining yourself not to eat like an asshole, and having an extra boost to keep you from processing the little fat you do eat.
I also thought that it’s another diet pill that nobody would try because of the oily discharge. But based on the comments, I think it’s a good idea considering that it does the terrible stuff only when you eat something you’re not supposed to.
is it easy (over the counter) to get ahold of ? my biggest problem is portion control i’d be great if I cut out 1000 or so calories, even better if I could cut out the beer, but I’m not asking for miracles
Another alli rant here on my blog (GracefulFlavor). As you might guess, I don’t take too kindly to this sort of sham.
This drug is a trainwreck. Despite the press and clever packaging, I give this thing six months, tops, before it fades into sunset as a cheap consumer exploit.
Funny how things that intentionally make you incontinent do that.
My brother is taking this new pill. He literally “sharted” and didn’t know that oil came out of his ass and stained his work shorts. I just called him to c if he had shit himself today. He claims that he had to resort to Always w/ Wings to control the leakage. This shit is fuckin hilarious!!!!!!
I started taking Alli, but not on a regular basis. I don’t think I’ve taken it for the past two days. I noticed nothing as I rarely eat fat. Well, yesterday I had some fat, some chocolate cake and dessert at a work function. This morning I was sitting down and oil literally was oozing out of my ass. Unbelievable. What is this crap? It was like pouring a cup of olive oil down my shorts. LMAO
I won’t take anything synthetic. I only take herbal diet pills to keep my body fat low and my energy high, as I am a semi-professional athlete and I need to be at peak performance while I keep my weight down. There is no such thing as a magic pill though, because you still have to exercise and have a least a decent nutritional plan to stay in great shape.