Rhesus macaques are dead on shots when it comes to hurling shit. I know as I have been on the receiving end of their pitches on several occasions. They have a tolerably good aim with piss as well. How do I know? I worked with monkeys for six years as a graduate student. Early on, I was told that they have a language with sixty distinct vocalizations. Trouble is, it’s a tonal language, and you have to get the tone just right to convey the right meaning. I of course immediately wished to become fluent in it. Seemed easier than learning Klingon. One day I went into the monkey room and hooted what I thought was the standard male greeting. Immediately, all of the primates stood up on all fours and presented their asses to me. At first I thought I had miscalculated. Maybe what these guys needed was a long weekend in Tijuana. Even the scientist was starting to look good! Digging through the literature, I discovered that I had not misspoke after all. Turns out that presenting one’s ass IS the customary (instinctive?) way a non-dominant male greets a dominant male. I took this as a high compliment. Probably the first and only time in my life I was greeted as the alpha male in any setting! What this has to do with scatology, I don’t know. But don’t mess with the primate Freud! Here we have direct evidence that monkey’s are also imprinted at the anal stage too. Little ass kissers!