Gentleman, the culmination of every Dethroner discussion starts today as we embark on our most important theme ever: poop. Our guest experts this week are Josh Richman and Anish Sheth, M.D., authors of “What’s Your Poo Telling You?” They’ll be on hand as we take lower G.I. to all new heights.

Oh, the puns we will share! But first, a word from Richman and Sheth, a.k.a. “Dr. Stool”:

Let’s face it. We all spend most of our days in search of perfection: the perfect girl, the perfect body, the perfect car… While these are all worthy pursuits, we have decided to embark on the equally important quest to identify the attributes of the perfect poo. Yes, poo. And why not? We believe poo has the ability to offer just as much enjoyment and satisfaction as a date with Jessica Alba, 26″ biceps, or a Ferrari 360 Modena.

While most hastily undertake the daily task of emptying one’s bowels with little thought or appreciation, other more enlightened souls have learned to harness the true power of poo. Think of the ecstasy, or “poo-phoria,” which results from unleashing the perfect poo. These instances can be contrasted with agonizing episodes of bowel-breaking constipation, an experience we have termed “log jam.”

From size and shape, to consistency, and yes, even smell, one thing is clear: each poo has a uniqueness that should be regarded with wondrous appreciation. Our recently published book, “What’s Your Poo Telling You?” seeks to demystify poo by offering humorous descriptions, illustrations, and medical explanations for poo’s various manifestations. [Several "stool samples" are available on the book web site, too. - Ed.] We are now ready to take the next step. Armed with a newfound understanding of what causes the diversity of poo, we want to enlist your help in our unfulfilled quest to characterize the Perfect Poo.