I applaud 10 Zen Monkeys‘ attempt to select the seven worst things one could buy a mother for Mother’s Day, but while they have a dalliance with the sexual, they miss the clear number one worst thing: a gas-powered jelly dong with bands of increasingly expansive compression springs with a note reading “Mama, I’m coming home.”

Hi, Mom!

7 Worst Mother’s Day Gifts [10 Zen c8{o)] (That’s a Capuchin.)