Let’s face it: most guys probably prefer my book BACHELOR PARTY CONFIDENTIAL never see the light of day. They have a pretty good scam going. The bachelor party has become their get-out-of-jail-free pass that women have a hard time refusing. I understand that they don’t want to jeopardize it. In fact, of the approximately one hundred I interviewed, not a single man admitted to cheating on his partner—it’s always a friend or, better still, an acquaintance. And most women only facilitate the delusion by almost uniformly assuming their man is different and would never.

That it’s gotten to this point—with men using the rite as excuse to gather—should raise a red flag about the demands of modern relationships and the needs of modern men. That the once-traditional last NIGHT of freedom has been transformed into a weeklong pleasure binge also suggests that men are making the most of their time away from their significant others.

Maybe it’s because, just when men could use them most, they have fewer opportunities to hang out just with one another. And when they do get together, women are sometimes joining the party or demanding the goings-on to change. But I really believe guys need this free-for-all. Sure, a few will use that time to bang a stripper, but most will choose to let their hair down. Free from the role of spouse, parent, boss, citizen, they’ll boast about exploits and trash talk with impunity. It may seem mundane and soulless to some ladies, but this is all they have. Or as one guy I interviewed pointed out, “If you don’t do weekends like this, then what the fuck’s the point?”

For argument’s sake, let’s say that a guy does check out other women once in a while and that, given immunity, he might even have sex with a supermodel or, more realistically, a prostitute. That doesn’t mean he loves his woman any less. In fact, it really has nothing to do with her. Sometimes he thinks with his dick, not his heart.

But nervous brides-to-be should take comfort: your beloved is probably not going to stray too far at his bachelor party. According to stripper June T., “It usually is not the bachelor asking for extras, because he is still in a state of romance, he is still holding onto the ideal.” The bad news, as June notes—and pretty much every stripper confirmed—is, “The ones who try to slip their hand right to the edge of your g-string or to the bottom of your breast are always the ones with a wedding ring on.”