Dethroner’s Brazilian correspondent Ricardo and I were discussing (by time-delayed internet proxy) Grace Jones, whose commercial for the Citroen CX remains perhaps the finest car ad ever filmed. (Yeah? Yeah! YEAH!) Ricardo, never one to leave a car-chomping garage in the shape of Grace Jones’ head alone, upped the ante with a tale of Brazil’s own Grace Jones, Doris Giesse:

You must know that in Brazil—very much like in Soviet Russia—everything is inverted. Our ’80s Grace Jones was blue-eyed and Germanic. Instead of hostile and self-assured, we had a gloomy introvert. Doris Giesse was a dancer, model and actress. And android. In the early nineties her character “DORFE” (a Max Headroom-like news anchor with a Hajime Sorayama-inspired make up) got her nicknamed the ‘androgynous android,’ because of her scruffy, vaguely masculine voice.

Some years ago a friend of a friend, notoriously known for being a compulsive liar, would’ve entered his elevator at 3 am and met her. According to him she was stinking drunk, lying on the floor, begging for him to press her floor’s button, and perhaps, begging for a little love. We shrugged it off, making fun of him. “Yeah right, DORIS GIESSE, drunk in the elevator in the Perdizes (’quails’) neighborhood.” More recently, she went to some Jerry Springer-like talk-shows, saying that unemployment and depression got her into alcoholism and that she was starving to death. Then she started her official blog, posting poems and pics. In today’s news I found out she “fell out” the balcony of her apartment in the 8th floor in Perdizes. Even the news report was less than flattering: “One of her cats is in heat. It was very troublesome. The cat went was fleeing from another cat that was ‘fondling’ it against it’s will. When the feline went to the balcony, Doris tried to grab it, and fell. Doris fall was prevented by a asbestos canopy, according to a spokesperson. The cat is alright.”

No one cares about Doris Giesse.

Of course, if you wanted to see Doris’s nude pictures from the Brazilian version of Playboy, you could. At your own risk, of course.