Bachelor Party Poll: How Far Can the Groom Go?
Published by Joel April 16th, 2007 in Relationships. Share ThisA theme week about bachelor parties is hardly going to work without some serious introspection about the moral neutral zone in which the event cruises at impulse speed. More often than not, it seems that modern men are taking a far too healthy approach, gathering up a collection of their buddies for a wholesome round of golf or paintball, some modest drinking, and perhaps a raucous jaunt to the library. (Just look at the bachelor party search on Flickr, with nary an incriminating hooker shot to be found.)
Yes, I get it: You’re about to commit yourself to one woman (or man!) for the rest of your life, the person who completes you, etc., and why would you want to sully tomorrow’s beautiful ritual with a demeaning handjob from a dispassionate hourly sex worker? I’ll tell you why: because you can.
Our clenched society has finally created a temporary debauchery zone, a single night free of consequence for the average man, and yet so many of you are squandering this opportunity. Why?
Consequence free? Ha ha!!! Yeah right….
The fact that you “can” do something doesn’t mean that you “should” do something. Sorta like covering yourself in sterno and then smoking a cigar, sure there’s nothing stopping your from doing it, but I wouldn’t recommend it as a course of action.
Why? Because there’s always SOMEONE in the posse that’s going to screw up royally, and blab to his wife/girlfriend/sister/Mom/priest and that blabbing is going to include you learning what ‘facesitting’ is by trying to fetch your coke out of a hooker’s nethers.
All B parties should have a nice set of rules, Fight Club style.
Because hookers are yucky. If he really wants to fool around with somebody, I’d rather it be an old flame than a hooker.
That said, I am totally in favor of strippers (as long as they can actually dance).
Without consequences?!? Who are you kidding? If I had gotten a hand job (or anything else) at a bachelor party, either the wedding would be off is my wife found out before hand or the divorce would be on if she found out later. Just because you are about to get married doesn’t give you the right to cheat “one last time”. Unless you’re in an open relationship, I don’t see how it could ever be okay.
What happens at bachelor party stays at bachelor party.
As for there not being pics on Flickr, I thought it was an unwritten rule that no cameras were allowed. There’s no point in getting away with something if there’s *evidence* of it. Jeesh!
As far as how far to go, that’s really up to the guy. He’s the one that has to live with it. But yes, in the handful of bachelor parties I’ve been to, there seems to be a definite lack of strippers and female nakedness happening….of course, one of my best men was in charge of the entertainment for mine and happened to get *ugly* ones, so who knows which way is better :-P
Ha, well, maybe things have changed in the digital age. But, believe me, there at least used to be plenty of documentation of bachelor parties. All through high school and college I worked in and managed one-hour photo labs. I saw many, many things that most women do not get to see. It became a game with the staff to pick out which guy in the pics was the groom. It was easy–he was almost always the miserable and humiliated-looking one who looked as if he’d rather be somewhere else. And also, don’t anybody be fooled. Photo-lab employees DO see all your photos, and sometimes make extra copies for themselves. The inside of our bathroom was decorated in copies of any nudie or otherwise outrageous photos that came in for processing.
I wouldn’t indulge in a “Bachelor Party”-styled bachelor party if I were the groom; I’d feel too guilty about having a hooker’s rack in my face to face her the next day. And I’d like to think that the bride to be would feel the same, but from what I’ve gathered from the recent crop of the female species, I don’t have much hope. Oh well, here’s to karma!
This is yet another reason I’m fine with never getting married.
I’ve always subscribed to the whole good for the goose/good for the gander philosophy. Makes more sense to only go as far as you’d be comfortable with HER going. Say you want to get a blowjob at your bachelor party: Fine. But would YOU be comfortable with some other guy’s face in your lovely bride’s hoo-hoo? How far could SHE go before YOU’D freak out?
And the whole don’t ask/don’t tell code of silence thing NEVER works out. SOMEBODY talks. Depend upon it.
Katybear is unfortunately, correct. Hopefully what *does* get leaked isn’t the Defcon 1 type of info. This really does segue right into the first item in the ‘How To’ post: Make sure you select the Right Dudes.
That’s why you have TWO bachelor parties - the bigger one that everyone who needs to be invited goes to, and the top-secret one for your trusted inner circle (could just be the Best Man.)
Swear everyone to silence at the big one, and you can be sure that some tool will talk about the PG-13 activities. The bride-to-be will shake her finger and admonish the naughty groom while secretly being relieved that nothing bad happened. Needless to say, the wild stuff happens at the inner-circle party, and those guys CAN keep their mouths shut.
I just went through this…it’s hard to believe a man after 20 of his friends take him out in a limo and get drunk then hit the strip clubs. I think the only good advice is do one to others as you want done to yourself. If you are ok with your other half having any kind of sexual activity with another person then your set. But let your significant other know that’s how you feel first instead of coming home after you’ve done some nasty deeds or had them performed on you and say “I wouldn’t care if you had done something”. I actually think the whole thing is just an excuse to be crazy drunk and act like disgusting men.
Men shouldn’t be doing this in the first place! If you’re getting married, why would you want a nasty stripper hanging on you? My advice, stay single!
I agree with Katybear! If you men are allowed to do anything, then women should be allowed to do anything. I think if women actually did this to their men, and men found out about it, we would probably be having a different discussion.
The point is, men think they can get away with things, and think their women will stay have a very low-key bachelorette party. Men only like the rules they create if they think/know that their women abide by stricter rules.
BP, you are clearly the exact type of man that all women should desperately avoid. If I ever heard/read that my bf said that it would no doubt be over.
I think that a man should be able to do whatever he wants, provided he realize that there are inevitably consequences for those actions. If he would like his fiance/gf/significant other to be giving lap dances, stripping for other men, giving hand/blow jobs to another man, then and only then should he feel comfortable doing it. Giving and receiving in this situation is NOT different. Unless you are tied to a chair and carried into a strip club, you have the option not to go. It is a choice and a decision. Peer pressure can NOT make you do something that you really DON’T want to do. Personally I have let my SO know that I consider stripping cheating. If he chooses to go, he knows what will happen. It is his choice then. I would not hesitate to call a wedding off.
I have been reading a lot on this subject. I don’t think there is one set standard for everyone. What works for one relationship, may not work for another. I do not believe all men cheat, BUT I believe the majority do. Men are very different than women, and with most of them, sex and love are two different things. Most of them can very easily have sex with many women, but could never imagine being in love with any of them. Most women see sex and love as the same thing, and can’t have sex with a man she doesn’t love. Young girls are not the same as years ago though, so us with values from 20 or 30 years ago, are a disappearing breed. Males hate that girls are behaving like sluts, but those males are the ones that teach the girls how to be that way!
Anyway, in my own relationship, my husband and I would never work if we would not have taken the time to get to know each other (thoroughly) before we got married. That is where so many couples go wrong…they get married too soon, not realizing that there are things about (him) that she is beginning to or bitterly hates! We took our time, actually a full 5 years, before we got married! That gave us both enough time to decide if we were compatible, or not.
It is ok to be firm in what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship. Neither one should EVER put up with any behavior out of the other that hurts them, just to be with that person. One of my big ones has always been that I will never live with or marry a heavy drinker, or a drug addict. What’s wrong with that? Nothing, and my husband is neither. BUT it took years of getting to know the real him to be convinced. Another big one was that I would never marry a man who insisted on or was too weak to refuse to have anything to do with strip clubs, hookers, and BACHELOR PARTIES! Now some of you will get defensive and say that is me controlling him, well, sorry, but you are wrong! He had 5 years to decide if that was what he wanted in his life, and he has never once chosen to “go there”. If, through dating him, as time went by, I learned that those were things that he liked in his life, and would most likely not change anytime soon (if ever), then I was, and am smart enough to know he would not have been the one I would want to marry.
I know all that is “easier said than done”, but it CAN be done! I have been with “him” for 14 years now, and I still KNOW I married my best friend. We do to and for each other as we want done to and for each other. Yeah, it sounds mushy and stupid to some, but it works. We have respect for each others feelings, and never think of only ourselves. We are a team, and we treat each other like just that. No we DO NOT have a dull sex life either. I seduce him regularly, I am “the other woman” frequently, and letting him lose his mind in the fantasy of cheating on me, without actually cheating on me, is a turn on to both of us! He is going to think about it anyway, we all do, so I might as well help him play it out the best I can. One of his favorites is when I play the role of two women. He says role playing is the thing he loves most. It may not be the same as actually cheating or as bringing a third person into our bedroom, but we both agree it is quite enough. I have never been with a woman, but I do wildly fantasize about it. I want to keep it that way too. If I were to act on that fantasy, the “fantasy” would be gone. Just like his fantasies, they would not be as desirable if we actually made them happen. Not to mention we would have the memory of the other ACTUALLY cheating, and that would be the beginning of the end of our marriage. So, keeping it between only me and him is what we both want. I never condemn him for fantasizing about other women when we are having sex, I encourage it! After 14 years we still more than satisfy each other! A man needs an active sex life, and married men need “creative” wives. Creative wives can greatly reduce the odds of their husband’s cheating. Some men are faithful:)
It wouldn’t be that way in my marriage if we hated things about each other. So, girls, if you can’t handle the thought of him around other nude women on any occasion, for any reason, that’s ok. Don’t ever let anyone tell you differently! You are entitled to feel however you want, so is he. If he ever tells you that you are just going to have to live with it, make a descision, right then and there, that you will NOT marry him, ever! You will find a guy that cares more about you than things like that, but it isn’t easy! Guys like that, like mine, are hard to find!. Be picky! It will be worth your while, and save you many, many heartaches and tears, I promise you that! He should be the same way in his choice for a mate. I think the bottom line is so very simple…DO NOT EVER DECIDE TO MARRY SOMEONE IF THEY UNCARINGLY DO THINGS THAT PISS YOU OFF! Men, the same goes for you! DO NOT decide to marry her if she is a heartless bitch! Take your time, or you just might end up marrying your future enemy!