It’s one of the penultimate rites of passage for a man to be completely debauched and his last chance to kick it up like brat prince on the eve of his wedding. You don’t want to hold back any stops. Here are a few suggestions and courtesies to keep in mind as you plan your buddy’s funeral send off party.

1. The right dudes: The bachelor party is the responsibility of the Best Man, but even a guy’s closest buddy may not know that his long lost cousin Ernie will be in town for the wedding. It’s important to assemble all the men (and in this day and age, even some of the women) who matter most to the groom for his big adieu. Don’t assume you know who everyone is; guarantee this by asking the groom to provide you with a list, including names, emails, phone numbers. Invite everyone as early as possible, remind them weekly, with updates and confirmed attendees so that nobody is surprised when they have to deal with some asshole they don’t like as much as the groom does.

2. Good booze: Ideally, this party will only happen once per fellow, and it’s a right and proper thing to toast his success with the new missus with quality hooch, at least one glass, even if the bridegroom loves his cheap swill over fine champagne. Good suggestions include rare whiskey, vintage vino, good cognac, expensive sake. And for the love of god, go slow on that stuff if you want it to be a long party because nothing will suck so much as anyone/everyone getting too shitfaced too early to drive it into the wee hours.

3. A really fine meal: Leave the six foot subway sammiches to the dogs, you’re out for a special, memorable experience. Make a reservation at a five star joint and let them know in advance that this will be a very important occasion. They’ll be flattered that you chose their establishment and they will bend over backwards to impress you. Consider arranging a prix fix menu du jour with the chef involving three or more courses so that everyone knows what they’re in for and any special diets can be accommodated; this way you can also pre-arrange your budget. In parties of six or more it is customary to include the gratuity in the bill, but it doesn’t hurt to ask when making the call. If they prefer this arrangement, ask that it be set at 20%. Also - it will be the Best Man’s sole responsibility to tip the maître d’ separately. Don’t chintz out on this, you’ll get exceptional service as a result, from soup to nuts.

4. Look sharp: There’s a time to skitkickers and blue jeans, and there’s a time for your nattiest spitpolish and shine. Which one do you suppose this event is? There are plenty of reasons to get slicked up for a bachelor party, not the least of which is the respect it fosters within members outside of the group for the party. Moreover, being well-dressed somehow forces us to be on our best behavior as gentlemen, and to act with respect both for ourselves and each other. More and more of us are getting married later and later; after the college years there’s no excuse for not being able to pull off a class act upon demand. Here’s a gorgeous opportunity to show off some style and refinement.

5. Bring lots of money: Nothing brings the fun to a halt like having to find an ATM or pooling resources to pay off the bill. Plan accordingly! This also translates into the obvious that if the collected group is financially compromised, you may have to cut corners where possible, such as throwing the party at a private residence and taking up funds in advance to stock the food and booze accordingly. It doesn’t mean that the soirée need suck by comparison, as ultimately, the party is only as much fun as the members who comprise it.

6. Stock the party favors in advance: Ain’t vices grand? Have all of them on hand before the evening begins. Buy the mundane stuff (candy, breath mints, smokes, etc.) the day before the event, but if you have a taste for anything exotic and possibly illegal—ahem—score that shit ahead of time, sit on it like Potsie Webber, and bring it up as needed when and if the mood strikes. Dashing off to visit your dealer in the 11th hour is totally uncool, and worse is having him invade your unit coherency once the fête is already in progress.

7. Schedule it well before the nuptials One obvious tip that still needs mentioning is to hold this a good week or so prior to the wedding! Who the hell wants any of you, least of all the groom, to show up to the chapel stinking of bordellos and booze?

8. Novelty gifts: Soooooo trite. Sooooo cliché. From blow up dolls to edible undies to fuzzy handcuffs to the ol’ ball and chain, they’re unfortunately the staple of the bachelor party. I’d suggest that they be avoided outright, but most of you wouldn’t listen anyway. Just don’t overdo it. Even though that stuff is all cheap crap that’ll be left behind (god forbid any of it is saved or actually used!), it still costs money and when everyone pops out with an inflatable sheep it’s just plain tacky.

9. Non-novelty gifts: Here’s what separates the men from the gentlemen. If you’re in the wedding party, or close enough to the groom to really matter, it’s an increasingly popular tradition to present him with a manly gift of quality upon the eve of his marriage. It can be a small token of your esteem or just a gesture of goodwill and good fortune. Common examples include a nice set of cufflinks, some collar stays, a tie pin, a boutonnière pin in a precious metal, a nice watch. Offbeat but interesting gifts could include some really sharp sunglasses, a great pair of shoes, a bottle of something very nice for a private occasion with the bride, even a really fine set of PJ’s or a smoking jacket.

An interesting choice might be something to hold on to that symbolizes his spirit and his individuality before marriage. I once heard of a groom receiving a tricked-out skateboard from a pal who wanted to make sure that he never forgot the passion of his youth.

10. Strippers/dancers/sexy female friends: Along with the stupid novelty presents, the presence of dames is a mainstay of the bachelor party. Most often you’ll wind up taking your man out to the local jiggle shack, and that’s just fine, even if it’s so run-of-the-mill and mundane it’s boring to discuss here.

A lot of folks who take their party in a residence will arrange for some dancers to come out for a private show. In these cases expect there to be a beefy dude waiting in a car outside or, as often as not, he’ll come in and watch from a removed distance. (I did that on the side for several years.) It’s worth throwing him a $20 to set him at ease and let him know that he can relax, as his women are clearly with a respectful group; it’ll also send the dancers the same message, and your gang will almost certainly get a better show. Tip like money is going out of style in any case; the very act of tipping makes us feel good.

Conversely, it’s common for arrangements to be made with female friends of the best man, or even old girlfriends to come and send the groom off with a personal touch (that may or may not be a pun). She/they show up at the bar/restaurant/home where your event is going down, and spend a few drinks’ worth of time making the poor fellow feel uncomfortably aroused and teased and embarrassed, much to the delight of his fellow men. Be very careful with this option! This is one great way to get your boy in dutch with the bride if she finds out/is sensitive about such things.

Under no circumstances should anyone take pictures of this section of the evening, or discuss it to any length with the bride. Of course the temptation is great. But this is not to be documented for anyone’s posterity. It’s uncool and unclassy to get your friend in trouble, and it’s disrespectful to rub the bride’s nose in it. My brother’s best friend actually called his bride-to-be from the road and described the entertainment over the phone to her. I damned near beat his stupid face for that.

11. Take a trip: This option is another increasingly popular tradition in the age of too much disposable income and cheap flights. The typical sortie is the ol’ mad dash to Vegas, for gambling, girlie bars and all manner of vice, and yep, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas (sure it does). Perhaps you could be more creative than that and try a weekender in Atlantic City, Montreal, or Paradise Island. Even a boy’s git-down out at a retreat in the woods for paintballing and bonfires is an interesting alternative to the norm, but that edges into the following…

12. Exotic adventure: he’s about to make one of the biggest leaps of faith in his life, why not symbolize this with a jump out of a plane? Or maybe a crazy ride down some white water rapids? Hell, if you don’t mind making the bride worry about the bachelor party events, strippers and hookers are really bottom drawer compared to a bungee jump or an ultralight ride. Here’s a thought-provoking article along these lines [palmbeachpost.com].

13. Personal services. No, not a rub n’ tug. But a massage is definitely a nice way to start the festivities, as god knows getting married is a stressful thing. Why not take your pal out to a gentleman’s day spa? There are tons of them, including the recently covered John Allan’s. Women aren’t the only ones who enjoy being pampered and groomed before big events, y’know. Schedule a day at the spa for or even with your boy on the afternoon before the party and you’re off to a great start.

14. Day After Care: All in all, the odds are stacked that by the time the sun rises you’re all going to be well on the way to pain. You’ve eaten, drunk, snorted, smoked, run amok, and treated your bodies like a playground. Time to repair that damage. Keep multivitamins within arm’s reach, purified water, freshly squeezed juice, good bacon and fresh eggs and solid bread for toasting. Perhaps arrangements could be made to have breakfast catered, how classy would that be?

15. Day After Care, Part 2:You’ve hurt him, you’ve beaten him, you’ve embarrassed and humiliated and roasted and toasted him into a nearly unrecognizable state. He’s a husk of his former self, and now you’re going to release your catch back into the arms of his betrothed in that state? How inconsiderate of you, how disrespectful is that? Instead, how about making sure that his sleeping arrangements are secure, at a hotel or your spare bedroom, or at the very least your couch. Plan with the bride in advance that she won’t see him until the following afternoon—at best. This will give him adequate recovery time, enough to subdue the hangover, rehydrate, eat a solid meal, and take a shower. Send him back in one piece, smelling decent, and fully functional. She’ll appreciate it. Remember, once the bachelor party is over, he’s her property again, and as his good friend and ally, you want to come through this smelling sweet yourself…especially if you want her to let him play with you from time to time. This is where that starts.