Dapper or Crapper: Darren’s Malta Look
18 Comments Published by Joel April 10th, 2007 in Clothes. Share This
Darren writes:
I’m going to live in Malta for six months, and need some hot weather clothing. I normally wouldn’t go in for the man capris and sandals, but I figure the climate dictates them.As for the straw hat, well, that’s only for lounging by the pool. I’m hoping to find a more stylish yet wide-brimmed hat once I get there. Mind you, the Maltese are the smallest people in Europe, and I have an absurdly large head, so that may not work out.
I feel your pain on the giant head front. I have actually been laughed at by store clerks when I say I need a bigger hat, only to see their faces fall when they realize I’m serious. On the upside, I think that hat has a certain something—it might be the best part of the outfit.
And before you think I’m going to ding you for the “man capris,” I’m actually fine with those, too. My problems are your accessories: your sunglasses don’t compliment the shape of that giant gourd, your turquoise shirt stands out garishly from underneath your shirt, and those shoes… I understand you need comfort but these’s something about the slight bloom of those pants’ termination that leads the eyes down to your feet, only to peel back the cornea like an onion in a wind tunnel as they take in those x-treme comfort sport sandals.
How about you save the sandals for hiking days and get a nice pair of white or brown slip-on loafers for relaxing pool-side? And get your hands out of your pockets, soldier! I want to see a drink in one paw and the tiny skull of a Maltese assassin palmed in the other.
Check Out My Hawt Look for Malta [Darren Barefoot]
Linen pants were made for hot weather, as were seersucker suits.
Those shoes are kinda silly, as well. Like Joel said, loafers work best, especially for hanging out.
Joel’s right on the money.
Chiming in: The boy’s in freaking Malta, known for an annoyingly adorable breed of yipyip dog and precious little else. Not the fashion capitol of anywhere. Comfort is totally the way to go, and I hate to do this but I’m supporting the comfortable, butt-ugly sport sandals – at least there are no socks involved.
I dig the hat, and by God, if bigger means better, then you’ve got my vote for the widest-brimmed American-made lid you can find. You’ll tower over those indigenous peoples like Goliath himself, you might as well provide your neighbors with some shade while you’re at it. Be American as all fuck, everyone’s an ambassador when they’re in residence. Hell, I say to go for broke and grab yourself a few Hawaiian shirts. they only look better drenched in the sweat of a good rum drunk, too.
But yeah, I also hate the shades. Wayfarers would pick up your look by a few clicks.
I’m partial to the AE “vintage” cargo shorts… I’ve got two pairs that are washed so thin that they’ve actually worn holes through them and I ahd to throw a pair in the trash recently because there wasn’t enough of them left to make a good rag for cleaning the toilet.
I’m going to confess ignorance and say I don’t exactly know where Malta is, other than somewhere in the med or off the coast of Africa? if it’s that hot, lose the undershirt, you’re not in vancouver anymore, or at least switch to an ACTUAL undershirt which are not nearly as heavy as a Hanes beefy-T or the like.
Ive gone through a few of those wide-brimmed straw hats, a couple of the “marine corps” style wide brimmed hat and end up coming back to just a plain old ballcap on the days I want to keep the sun off my noggin. at the mo I have a canucks cap and a whitecaps hat-gotta support the local boys back home. I also have one that looks like a funny-ironic hat version of a t-shirt, but is actually serious, it’s from team quickie, who make quickie wheelchairs, but the double-entendre works. :)
as for shoes, why do you need them at all? I have work shoes, and unless Im specifically going to a place that requires them outside of work, I don’t even bother with shoes/sandals. After a week or two of walking around on hot docks, hot rocks and hot streets, your skin will toughen up.
Heh, thanks for the, uh, mixed review. I do have some linen pants and shirts (and even a suit), and they’ll be in full effect.
Yeah, loafers would be a possibility I guess, though I’m concerned about my feet breathing in the 40-degree (that’s Celsius, as I’m Canadian) heat. These are my first sandals ever, and I worked hard to find the least sporty ones I could:
http://www.keenfootwear.com/pdp_page.cfm?productID=45
It may be hard to imagine, but one could do a whole lot worse on the sandal front.
As for the sunglasses, well, in truth, I have no idea how to pick the right ones. Plus, they’re prescription, so it’s a bit too late on that front. What would you recommend the next time I get new shades?
What I like best about what you’ve got on is that it actually fits you right. And I’m with alex – I like it, which I probably wouldn’t have if it was hanging off you like a potato sack. Take a lesson guys ;)
imho, lose the sandals, and rock flip flops, and loosen the shirt a lil…
I have sandal/shoes like that. I call them the Air JesusTM model. I get made fun of a bit by my friends, but who cares? I won’t claim to know anything about Malta’s topography or climate, but the shoes work great in many different terrains (rocks, mud, water, sand, etc.). Is “water” a terrain? Shoot.
I’m with ipso: hear hear on the flip flops. When dressing for hot weather, just ask yourself: What would Jimmy Buffett wear?
One thing is for sure, make sure you pack plenty of sunscreen. Dude is WHITE!
So, so white.
um, yes I vote for flip flops as well. Nothing says “I’m a traveller” like sporty sandals. Get some Havianas – Brazilian style. And don’t forget the speedo, you are going to Europe (short cut though, not briefs…never briefs). And while we are being open and honest here, why not buy a cap at one of the stores on Main st? Straw hats are hard to keep on when riding windy ferries.
I’ve gotta call ‘no go’ on the man capris. Go with thin, flat-front linen trousers (with cuffs if you can)
I’m going to have to also nix the man capris. They’re awful. You definitely need to go with a pair of linen trousers – they’re lightweight and so much more attractive. The shirt is fine, but get rid of the blue undershirt – wear a white one or none at all. You’re going to be in a tropical climate anyway. The hat is ok, but the sandals HAVE TO GO. Maybe get some deck shoes like these:
http://www.redskyatnight.com/product.cfm?ProductID=19256
So, in defense of the sandals, none of the other options people have suggested are remotely acceptable for:
* Walking any sort of distance
* Clambering over uneven terrain
* Not getting stinky quite quickly
If I had a magical portable hole in my luggage, and a magical money generator in my wallet, I’d probably bring eight or ten pairs of shoes to Malta. I don’t, so I’ve got to make compromises. So, I’ve got a nice pair of John Fluevogs for formal stuff and visits to other, less tropical destinations, a pair of runners for, well, running, and the sandals.
I’m all for shoes that support your feet (I’ve had surgery on mine enough times to know that this is important) and it looks to me like those are designed to be much more than something that keeps the rocks and glass out. I think you made a wise choice, and they have a definite edge style-wise over most men’s sandals I’ve seen. And fwiw, I think the turquoise t-shirt is what saved the outfit from being boring.
Aviators man, aviators.
I’ll call strike three on the man capris – you look like you’re wearing the slacks of a normal-sized Maltese woman. Just get some nice dress shorts (or have those manca’s hemmed to just under the knee). Full calf or no calf, avoid the half-calf.