The finer man understands that there is nothing whatsoever to be ashamed by a man pampering himself with slightly higher standards of grooming and treatments, as well as using the right grooming products in his gentleman’s toilette. Such is the philosophy behind John Allan’s salons for men.

Dethroner was recently invited to visit John Allan’s midtown club (The oldest of four in the NYC area), and indulge ourselves in “The Full Service”. This would entail a scalp massage during the shampoo and conditioning treatment, a hot steamy towel wrapped around our faces, a good haircut and a men’s manicure (simultaneous, mind you), followed by a shoeshine…all while sipping on the beverage of our choice. Of course Joel and I both chose their ice cold Sam Adam’s on tap. Knocked back five each over the course of the afternoon. Speaking for myself, it was an exquisite experience and one that must be repeated.

Taking note that “The Full Service” costs $65 before tipping, it seems a perfectly reasonable little luxury. Let’s add together the average costs of each individual service:

• men’s barbershop haircut: $12—18 (much more if you go to a salon)
• hot towel facial steam: $3—8
• shampoo/conditioner, scalp massage: $10—20
• men’s manicure: $8—12
• shoeshine: $6—10
• beverage: $3—25 (depending on what you drink and how many. I capped it at $25 due to the volume of beer we consumed)

Total: $42—93 (mean avg. around $61)

(This is before you throw in the value of a few rounds of pool and a cushy enclosed humidor with beautiful leather armchairs in which to smoke your cigar. John Allan’s provides these as well, but bring your own stogie.)

At John Allan’s you will get all of these services performed with expert civility and professionalism, by a staff who genuinely seems to care about the services they perform, in an environment that is designed to perfectly suit a gentleman’s sense of style and comfort. Every chair you’ll sit in feels designed for a man to be perfectly at ease within. The key is to relax and indulge, as men of refinement in an upscale joint utterly lacking in snootiness. The art is regularly rotated, and the blues and jazz and classic rock pumped in throughout the house is potent but not overwhelming. My South African hairdresser, Michelle, confided that several of her regular clients are so relaxed that they usually fall asleep in her chair while receiving their hand massage from the manicurist.

If you’re the kind of man who would like to make this treatment a regular habit (ie – if you already keep your hair trimmed twice a month), you would do well to become a member; this is more than a salon, this is a men’s grooming club.

At $720 per year, John Allan’s members are entitled to unlimited visits to the salon with the complete full service each time—if you visit only twice a month you’re already saving over half of what the total costs would be to a non-member. Plus, as a member, the bar will keep a bottle you may wish to provide of your private liquor, labeled for only your use but on display in full view of envious non-members.

You’ll also receive two gift certificates so you can share the experience with some friends—freebies perhaps being the best advertising. Throw in 10% off the additional services, such as facials, body massage, hair coloring, and pedicures, as well as the increasing familiarity with the exceptional staff, and the value of the membership becomes that much more worthwhile.

As part of our introduction to the total John Allan’s experience, the management provided us with a care package from their extensive product line. Nothing here, if viewed in your bathroom by overnight guests or visiting buds, will leave anybody questioning your manhood; it’ll just make you come off like you give a damn about your appearance and grooming, but not too much.

A. MINT Invigorating Hydrating Conditioner. It’s incredibly thick, very rich, and definitely permeated with peppermint essence, which tingles and cools the scalp. It rinses out easily and seems to be quite effective at softening hair even after a very quick cycle, even though it is supposed to be left in for 3 to 5 mins. I have a lot of color and heat damamge on the ends of my hair, and it treated them well.

B. OCEAN Daily Nourishing Shampoo. This one’s a cleanser, it very effectively rids the hair of any product buildup, dirt, or oils that the body produces every day. It contains aloe vera for moisture, so even without following up with a conditioner it still leaves your hair soft, but not dried out, like many similar purifying shampoos can.

C. THICK Deep Cleansing Volumizing Shampoo. Aptly named, this is perfect for men with thinning hair issues, providing richly enhanced natural wave and texture. It’s infused with botanical extracts and vitamins, such as B5, which penetrates the hair shaft and encourages supple body.

D. FACE Replenishing Moisturizer. If John Allan can help men with any single lesson, let it be that we learn the importance of taking proper care of our facial skin. It’s not just about preventing wrinkles and signs of age; it’s about keeping it soft and hydrated in spite of environmental stresses. This stuff is great for that, absorbing fast, and with a low viscosity, it leaves almost no greasy residue.

E. SPLASH Cooling After Shave With A Bite. Great old school aftershave! It has slight astringent properties, so any nicks or cuts will surely sting, but it’s a good sting. The light, masculine scent is nice and subtle, and the witch hazel is a perfect facial tonic. You’ll feel like your grandfather as a young man after using this. Not a bad way to feel.

F. GELLE X Weightless Volumizing Gel. Honestly, I wasn’t a huge fan of this product, but being rather anti-gel, I’m a slightly biased consumer, so bear that in mind. I also have longer hair, and gel doesn’t suit my style. That said, it’s definitely light, only modestly sticky, the hold is gentle yet firm, and it does feel fairly weightless. A little will go a long way since it spreads very easily, and men with thinning or short hair will appreciate how it adds extra volume.

G. SHAVE As Close As You Want To Get. This conditioning cream is very nice on shorter, thinner beards, and it definitely locks in moisture, which is the whole point to shaving creams. On thicker coarser bears you may want to opt for something that holds the heat of hot water a bit better, or just use an electric razor instead.

H. LIP Spearmint Lime. What is it about lime-flavored products that denote a sense of manliness anyway? It’s irrefutable, as far as I’m concerned, and this is indeed as manly a lip balm as I’ve ever used. It’s far from mediciney, but it’s certainly not effeminate or sweet either. The mint tastes good, and the lime tastes…virile. Oh, and it works pretty well at keeping the lips from drying, too.

I. BLU Waterbased Pomade. (not pictured) The key here is that it’s water-based, which means that unlike waxy, oil-based pomades of bygone days, it rinses out easily and is less than greasy to the touch. Probably won’t cause as many zits either. It works great with a flat iron, I found, but a little dab on the fingers, emulsified with some friction and rubbed right into the hair will give great, forgiving hold, and is pliable all day long. Looks neato, smells nice.

A final note: Some men seem to feel that there isn’t a lot to personal grooming, keeping the process as simple as possible: Get your hair cut every couple of weeks by a $12 barber, keep the nails trimmed, shave and shower daily. Once a month or so, clip the toenails, end of story. A man should have a bar of soap, some shampoo and conditioner, something to shave with, and maybe some aftershave. Anything beyond that is prissy and not masculine, leading the way towards meterosexuality. Why has taking care of one’s appearance, style, and overall presentation become demonized?

Learn more about the John Allan’s salons and their products at johnallans.com.