Attn. Teenage Boys: If You Are Banging a Hot Teacher, Shut Up About It
Published by Joel April 2nd, 2007 in Sex. Share This
Maybe I’m just in a mood—a mood for love—but I don’t feel a lick of pity for Tommy Clay, a 17-year-old high school boy who turned in his 28-year-old teacher after they had an affair. It seems that Tommy is having a hard time reintegrating at his old school, as his peers slowly realize he was an idiot:
“At first it was all high-fives. A lot of guys showed me a lot more respect. But as we got further into it, I mean, I lost a lot of my friends.”His mother added that many students turned against him after the incident came out. “It turned to How could you turn her in? She’s our favorite teacher’,” she said. … His father, Mark Clay, chimed in. “This shows a lack of awareness in our society. We’re not talking about threats or force. This was an older person manipulating a child into thinking this child wants sexual contact.”
I’m pretty sure that 16-year-old teenage boys don’t need any manipulation to have sex with their hot, blonde teachers. It’s mildly inappropriate at best. I’m not trying to take the meathead line here, either. I legitimately think there’s nothing wrong with a 16-year-old kid having sex with his (or her!) teacher. It’s not something that should be institutionalized or condoned, exactly, but the tone of hysteria around these sort of cases are getting out of hand. Post-pubescent humans fuck. Film at 11 (to 13)!
A sixteen-year-old isn’t a child. He’s not quite a man, either. He’s a teenager who will be experimenting and learning about sex and social standing, whether it’s with a 29-year-old teacher or his other teenage peers. Instead of hiding behind his parents and his age when things got weird, he should have been glad to learn the lesson that relationships never end well while living the high school dream.
Affair with teacher tough on student [Denver Post]
26 Responses to “Attn. Teenage Boys: If You Are Banging a Hot Teacher, Shut Up About It”
- 1 Pingback on Apr 2nd, 2007 at 1:41 pm
I completely agree here, we are not talking about 12 year olds here, we are talking about people who in some states are of the age they can drive deadly machines, AND have consensual sex with older people as long as the person is not a teacher, or other person of authority.
The problem comes in the continued pusification of our teenagers into believing they are more like grade schoolers, and less adults. They are being told they are not accountable for their actions, many rarely work in high school, and most are more worried about college these days, and not about learning a skill set that can help them in the adult world if they drop out or don’t even go to college.
I was good friends with girl who was 16 when I was 20, and by 16 she had had more sexual experience than some college girls I knew, hell than I even had. But people treated her like a kid, which in the end led her to not feel accountable for her actions until she was over 21 now. I have no doubts if people had treated her differently when she was younger she would have been a lot more adult about everything else in her life that she should have been, instead of just having sex with people to feel like a adult.
I definately agree that there is nothing wrong with a 17 yr old having sex with a 28 yr old, they are both consenting persons, theres just no problem with it.
Having said that if you are a Teacher, DON’T HAVE SEX WITH YOUR STUDENTS!!!!
Reason 1 being that it almost certainly violates your employment agreement, and I don’t care if you feel like you’re crusading for Teacher/Student sexual rights, you’re just a dumbass for thinking you aren’t going to get fired.
Reason 2 being the absolute shit storm that would ensue if your other Students found out. I mean c’mon idiot, you’re a teacher, you’re supposedly a relatively smart person, know anything about jealousy in general, teenage jealously specifically? Not to mention the incredible conflict of interest. Can you imagine, the school gets sued because some Students are complaining that you give better grades to the other Students that you’re fucking.
In Theory, go ahead, have a ball. In Practice, you’re just a fucking idiot.
Schadenfreude
Yeah, she obvs. was out of line, but the kid was just as much to blame. But when he gets rightfully ribbed by his peers at school, he gets to go make a pouty face on the Today Show? Come on.
“Reason 2 being the absolute shit storm that would ensue if your other Students found out. I mean c’mon idiot, you’re a teacher, you’re supposedly a relatively smart person, know anything about jealousy in general, teenage jealously specifically? Not to mention the incredible conflict of interest. Can you imagine, the school gets sued because some Students are complaining that you give better grades to the other Students that you’re fucking.”
Actually one of the prevailing theories in education as to why this happens is that the teacher being exposed to out of control kids all day without the authority to punish them like they could in the past, have started to act LIKE the kids, especially when they are under the age of 30, which most of these sex cases end up with teachers at.
Oh, the kid was definately as much to blame, you can’t decide that you want to have sex and then shove all the blame onto your accomplice. Its the classic, he’s not upset about what he did or what she did, he’s upset because he got caught and not all of the feedback he’s getting is positive.
I understand that it might be a prevailing theory that teachers who aren’t allowed to discipline kids start acting like kids, but to be completely honest thats a bullshit excuse for anyone put in charge of stewarding people. Just because you can’t inflict corporal punishment anymore, a fact that I feel is a travesty in our culture, that doesn’t excuse you from making a competent decision when it comes to having sex with one of your Students. Its very clear that these teachers aren’t thinking with their brains, they’re thinking with their genitals.
I think the problem is rather more in who is pushed to become teachers in the first place. The fact is, if you’re good at a particular subject, you’re rarely ever going to teach high school on that subject; you’re going to get yourself a job that pays a respectable amount of money. On the other hand, if you’re not quite sure what to do with yourself professionally, teaching seems like a good choice - and appeals to many in terms of ‘thinking of (our) future’. Especially in the case of women, though, you get people who are becoming teachers in their mid-twenties, working long hours for little pay and in many cases left without same-age social support structures. It should strike no one as odd that if you spend all your time doing one thing, sexuality will inevitably become attached to that thing - and if you’re only around a subset of people, some of them will eventually look attractive. Remember that this is not a profession that really lets you go to clubs at night, or take a sick day, or come in late or with a hangover. It’s not an area you can get much breadth in your human interaction. Frankly, if any single profession needs to be provided with ‘personal’ assistants, that one might be it.
Nicccccccce.
If the guy had enough sack to bang his teacher, brag about it, and get the high five treatment, he shouldn’t turn into a whiner and pull the sexual assault angle when the heat comes down.
Sure, I can imagine that a a parent to have their teen involved in any form of sexual activity, but a teenager will hump anything that’s warm. Gimme a break.
Nate, I agree with you that being a Teacher is a thankless underpaid job with massive amounts of frustration attached onto it. Teachers are undervalued and underappreciated and their compensation should definately be reformed, along with the re-institution of corporal punishment, but lets not get into that yet.
This still doesn’t excuse them from completely disregarding the implications of their actions. You are responsible for your actions and it is the choices that you make that define you, not the situaion that you are in. If you make the choice to have an affair with a Student which will eventually lead to your termination and possible law suits against the school that employed you then you have chosen poorly. You chose to become a Teacher with all of the good and bad that comes along with it, you’re an adult, deal with it without screwing your Students.
Rye, I wholly agree with that statement. I was only trying to speak to what causes these sorts of situations to actually arise. Stable, self-responsible, socially connected people are at far less risk of creating this sort of situation than drifting, socially isolated people who think the world happens to them, rather than exerting control over their environment. Strong social connections inhibit people from ‘forgetting’ about their responsibilities, so I think institutionally it’s a bad idea to hire isolated people. I absolutely think the teacher holds a great deal of responsibility, but there is a lot that can be done to make sure teachers at large understand that; the ‘they should have known better’ argument only lasts so long, at which point some fundamental practices need to be changed.
Of course, the media frenzy doesn’t help any of this; it’s probably reinforcement. It strikes me as odd, though, that it’s garnered such national attention; one of our male high school teachers was fired for being caught inside a female student bent over his desk. It was a huge local scandal, but not national. Is that a gender thing?
“being a Teacher is a thankless underpaid job with massive amounts of frustration attached onto it.”
WHAT? Teachers in the US get paid on avg between $40k and $55K, for working 9 months of the year! That’s a better salary than entry level accountants, consultants, and other business people. Additionally, few work more than 45 hours a week. Add to that phenomenal benefits and the inability to get fired once you get tenure (unless you have sex with a student), and it’s a very cushy job. As for the “thankless” portion, sure, teachers deal with angry parents, but any good teacher gets loads of praise from students, parents, administrators, and the community for changing young people’s lives. I don’t think any other profession in America gives out as many awards each year. What percentage of teachers get “teacher of the year” awards? Don’t even get me started on teachers’ unions - they are 80% of the reason behind the dismal state of our primary and secondary education systems.
As for this situation, I don’t think there is anything ethically wrong with it, but obviously it’s going to get her fired. It’s the same as a boss having sex with his secretary in a business - if people find out, he’ll be in trouble. The kid was stupid, the teacher was stupid, and all in all, she probably deserves to be fired. On the other hand, it’s cool he had sex with his teacher.
Corporal punishment? Are you crazy? We don’t live in Iran! Every school has at least one nutjob teacher, and the last thing I’d want to do is give them power to physically punish kids.
how is that kid getting laid? God I wish I was 17 again.
Moe, according to the National Education Association teachers average $31,408 across the United States. That calculates to roughly $15 an hour. Truck Drivers make more than Teachers. Go here . . . http://www.nea.org/pay/teachermyths.html
should dispel any misconceptions you have about Teachers and their cushy positions.
As for getting loads of praise from Students and Parents and Administrators, I don’t know how many Teachers you know, but a significant portion of my family are Teachers and what you are describing is the complete converse of what they deal with on a daily basis.
Corporal Punishment is a very effective way of disciplining people through Classical Conditioning. Just because several generations of parents have decided NOT to be parents and throw their children at the schools to be raised doesn’t make their mewlings about corporal punishment any more poignant.
YO! Did you see this teacher was the wife of the principal!!! Has this kid never heard of blackmail? Just imagine what you could get away with with that ace in the hole!
Moe, I have really no idea where you get the idea that teaching is a cushy job. I suspect you’ve never had to try to teach anyone anything. Rye has sufficiently debunked your claims that I won’t bother to do so, but I might point out that despite the supposed cushy-ness, you’ve indicated no desire to have the job yourself.
Rye, I have to disagree regarding corporal punishment. Naturally, parents shouldn’t expect other people - much less the government - to raise their children, but you can be firm without resorting to violence. This holds doubly if you’re using it as a form of classical conditioning, which is really the development of a reaction to a particular stimulus based on an expected outcome - thereby requiring you to always threaten violence to get the result you want. Even if you’re actually talking about operant conditioning, I don’t know that encouraging your average teacher to beat on children in order to get them to do what they want is a good idea. Ultimately, you’re only teaching them that beating up other people is the only way to get them to conform to you - and while that is one way, it’s hardly a very elegant way. I mean, unless you’ve got a whole Abelard and Heloise thing going, in which case, more power to you…
Actually, that’s pretty good evidence of what you can expect from the whole naughty teacher-student thing.
Ok. There are sixteen comments on this post and none have addressed what I believe is the larger issue here. There are two “wrongs” in stories like this. The first is the broken law, usually statutory rape. I agree that this is an example of how the law can be too extreme in some cases. However, the second wrong is the ethical implications of a student/teacher sexual relationship.
Let’s begin with the highlight from Joel’s original post: “I legitimately think there’s nothing wrong with a 16-year-old kid having sex with his (or her!) teacher.”
Fair enough, but how about the other side of this: Is there anything wrong with a teacher having sex with his 16-year old student? Does it change if the teenager is a girl, rather than a guy?
Both Rye and Moe brings graze the edge of this issue: Rye: “It almost certainly violates your employment agreement, and I don’t care if you feel like you’re crusading for Teacher/Student sexual rights, you’re just a dumbass for thinking you aren’t going to get fired.” Moe: “I don’t think there is anything ethically wrong with it, but obviously it’s going to get her fired.”
Why do you think that it’s written into employee contracts that a teacher cannot have sex with a student? Besides the enormous conflict of interest issues (grades for sex, etc.) there’s the underlying authoritative relationship that is implicit in the student/teacher relationship. By having authority over the student, there is a very real risk that the teacher might pressure the student into a sexual act, even without his/her knowledge or intention. This is exactly the reason why managers are fired for sleeping with subordinates, even when they’re in consensual relationships. It is also the reason why college professors cannot sleep with THEIR students. It has nothing to do with age, and everything to do with maintaining the integrity of the authority/subordinate role.
This is so wrong on so many levels. People in power should NEVER sleep with subordinates. Whether it is managers and their reports or a teacher and students.
Second, it is against the law. If you don’t like the law, fine. Argue against the law. As for now, it’s still the law. As our cop friend Eddie said (paraphrase), the safest way to avoid trouble with the cops is to not break the law.
Thirdly, were any of us emotionally or sexually prepared to have a sexually intimate relationship with a 28 eight year old when we were 17? I suppose I can only speak for myself with a hearty NO. Most 17 year olds can’t even control an erection, much less know what a healthy relationship looks like. As for her wanting such a relationship… she’s got serious issues.
You think this won’t scar the kid? Negatively affect relationships later in life? This sounds like the sort of thing that psychiatrists build a career on.
I’m all for learning through screwing up (ha!). But just like you don’t learn how to drive on the autobahn, you don’t learn how to have healthy relationships by jumping in the sack as young as possible.
Our laws and culture says he’s a minor. What’s the big rush? Seems like we can wait until then before encouraging kids to have sex. Or at least telling them it’s great if they’re banging adults. They have decades ahead of them.
All of the above = IMO.
I dont think anyone was denying the ethical situation, we are pretty much all in agreement that the teacher was wrong. But here the cock bragged about banging his teacher, she went to jail (I think, at the very least lost her job) and he is wondering why everyone at school now hates him for it.
As for the rape issue, THATS a tricky subject, in NJ while the sex it’s self would be nothing, the fact that its a person in power (even if she never used that power over the student) would make it rape.
Nate, I think you are miscontruing my views of corporal punishment. Corporal Punishment should only be met out when the offending child has repeatedly disrepected their caregivers. And the caregivers have the responsibility of warning the child when they have transgressed. If the child continues to disregard the guidelines of the parents then they are fully righteous in prosecuting corporal punishment.
Having said that, corporal punishment should never be done in anger. Corporal punishment should be only done as a means to an end in terms of teaching a lesson. If you hand your child over to a teaching steward then you are imbuing that teacher with your authority as a disciplining agent, or at least you should. Teachers take the place of a parent during school time, corporal punishment should only be the method of teaching someone that their behavior is unacceptable and should be corrected, there should be a contiguity between teachers and parents and if that contiguity doesn’t exit than it is the problem of both the teacher and the parent. Parents need to take an active role in the raising of their children, they dont’ anymore, hence the abuse.
Rye: Ah, I see. I guess it seems to me that the issue is balancing the instructor need to legally exert force over a (child / person unable to defend themselves) and the societal need to defend those same (children /persons…) from harm at the hands of those who do not use such a power responsibly. If you assume the stance that parents these days in the majority do not expend much concern on their children, there is no reason to suspect they would exert more concern simply because teachers are more empowered - one might actually assume the opposite. Thus, you start to have a problem with unscrupulous teachers. In the end, our society has decided corporeal punishment is more danger than help.
That being said, I think it has a place as a developmental support tool. There are certain stages in psychological development where the child is incapable of understanding relationships between actions and consequences on a deep level and pain is a quite useful proxy. Once a child is beyond those stages, though, I think corporeal punishment encourages a lower level of developmental thought.
There were more than a few teachers at my high school I would have been absolutely prepared - emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, hormonally, and in every other way save legally - to have fantastic ongoing sex with. And I totally would have kept my mouth shut about it, too.
I confess a double standard in this matter. I think when a male student above 16 has sex with a female teacher, that’s hot as toast; when a male teacher has sex with a female student younger than 22, that’s wrong wrong wrong. And that’s even bearing in mind that girls mature sooner than boys.
Kirk Douglas claims that the first time he had sex was with his teacher, and that he was 13 years old. Claims that it helped make a man of him, prepared him for a life of machismo and bravery.
I’ve always maintained that the “half plus seven” rule was a pretty damn good rule of thumb to keep from creeeeeping out your friends.
Nate: I would definitely agree that if it is assumed that Parent’s do not exert effort in the raising of their children then the idea of an assertive Teacher would be of no use. But, my point, however inarticulate, is that both Parents and Teachers need to be partners in this exercise and follow through with consistent punishment until bad behavior is corrected.
As far as Corporal Punishment in our society, I would disagree with your assertion that it has been decided that Corporal Punishment is a bad thing since 23 of the 50 States still use it in their schools, a far cry from a referendum.
Once again, I point to laggard parents that don’t feel like raising their children, but are still offended when someone raises a hand to raise them properly, of course that is entirely anecdotal.
Jan Micheal Vincent, why do you hve such an extreme double standard with respect to this issue?