We window shop so you don’t have to.

Yesterday afternoon/evening I decided to take a stroll from the fashion district through Chelsea, over to Broadway via Greenwich and then 8th St, down to Broome, cut over to West Broadway, and back up to Houston. I call it the Fashion Hook, and it was a great way to peep the actual ‘off the rack’ articles the designers are shilling this season. By the way, a lot of merchants have a big issue with you taking pictures from within their stores, even with a cell phone, as I was, but nobody can say boo if you snap from the sidewalk.

In this first collection we’re going to learn that all the designers are falling back en masse upon the tried and true springtime guaranteed seller, khakis. Khaki is a safe bet for the average male shopper who knows that his fashion sense is limited, in that it goes with just about anything. Darks, lights, pastels, primary colors, patterns, plaids. It’s the color the whole human species may one day be, if we survive. Planet Khaki.

Here we see that Armani’s lowbrow outlet, AX, is working what would prove to be an increasingly popular trend this season: jackets and shorts. In this rough and tumble aspect it’s not a bad thing: lightweight V neck sweater under a sleeveless jacket in bright khaki jean, over darker khaki cargo shorts.

And with that, I eat my earlier words of the week about cargo pants being tired and over—the paramilitary and utility pant thing is probably the defining fashion hangover of the ’90’s; all this guy needs is a man-purse and he’ll be the classic male archetype of the ’00s.

Now, here we find that the Gap is going the khaki route, as they do every spring. It’s the same old dance to a new song—this year they’re trying to make khaki something it simply can’t be: edgy. I’m sorry, but khaki is the utter absence of attitude, it’s simply too laid back.

Mexx comes in strong with two signature looks I’m just not all that sure about: the men’s spring scarf, and the long shirt under the short shirt thing. Please note that the image on the left is working the paramilitary deal again; this guy’s a pilot for Jet Gay with that jaunty scarf and no socks. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t do it, but most dudes probably shouldn’t.

I know the deal on the right has been going on for a few years now, and I have to say, I’ve always thought it looked a little silly. It was kind of okay when grunge dudes were doing the long sleeved waffle pattern shirt under the ironic tee shirt thing, it looked fresh and organic, like baby carrots from Whole Foods; trying the same thing with a tailored button-up collar and cuffs, though, smacks of artifice, especially with that collar up.

Outerwear in khaki is always a big thing with the more conservative of the established design houses. Here we find a collection from Banana Republic (above) and Kenneth Cole (below). Both of these houses are known for quality tailoring and above-average materials. I’m really liking the ’70s cut of the collar and lapels of the Banana Republic jacket, and without trying it on, I still trust that it’ll look classy and feel comfortable on nearly any guy.

For years I’ve been swearing by Banana Republic’s tee shirts; they just fit great, don’t shrink because of the 90/10 cotton/poly blend, and they just feel good. Similarly, just about anything from these stores will hold up well and be cut well. The Kenneth Cole gear is sturdy and stylish, and is both contemporary enough to make the wearer look in-step with the times, but classic enough to not be outmoded in the years to come. That’s what I like about shopping at these stores; they don’t support planned obsolescence.

This said, they’re also known for selling their merch at prices that are just a little bit beyond the reach of the average Joe Blow from Kokomo who likes to save a buck and get the knock-off from Penney’s, but at 50-75% more, their gear is still attainable if you really want the good stuff.

What really makes the clothes from these guys stand out are the small details: a double-wide stitch on the seams, the subtle differences in the zipper fob, the deftly-tailored pocket that’s roomier inside than it would seem outside. One by one, they don’t make so much of a difference, but all together, it’s what makes getting your gear from them worth the extra chump change.

Donna Karan (DKNY), invariably produces clothing for the urban sophisticate who wants to look slick without bucking to much convention. There’s a lot of common ground between her gear and that of the above two designers, but DKNY is the clear winner in terms of looking cool, fit and just a little bit inner-circle. Her stuff is intended for the slimmer man with cash to burn, which bums me out, being a ginormous dude with caviar taste on a pizza budget. Nevertheless, it’s admirable stuff that occasionally makes me wish I was a few inches shorter.

Here we find her entry into a lightweight seasonal khaki suit. The lines are tailored for grace of movement while remaining sleek. The jacket length is just a half-inch above the bottom of the pant crotch—slightly shorter this year over the last few, and all the designers are doing that this season, it seems. Again, the small details are the attraction here, like the breast pocket here; that vent is just a little thing, doesn’t call attention to itself, but it does elevate the article above a similar version from Sears.

The funny thing is that both retail items may well be built from the same sweatshop in China out of identical materials, but the attention to detail, the extra spit and polish in the seam work and the overall construction is why her customers keep giving Donna their money every year.

Okay, I look at this ensemble from Tommy Hilfiger and I just wince and titter at the same time. Who the hell is going to wear this kind of thing? No self-respecting boat owner would be caught dead in this outfit—it’s a joke. You go to any yacht club party and if you see a guy wearing something like this, you know he’s someone’s guest, or a new money poseur who just doesn’t get it. Dig that turned-up jacket collar. It’s hyper-preppy to the point of caricature. No single piece of this outfit is the sole culprit, not even the navy sweater vest with the ridiculous anchors; but all together, it’s a horrendous outfit in laughable taste. Don’t do it, for the love of god and country.

Once again we see this year’s strange combo of shorts and a jacket, only this time it’s a sportjacket and it looks like a farce. What the hell is this trying to say? “I’m too stuffy to go casual all the way, but I’m too hot in this sweater and jacket to wear pants.” I can’t wait to see the first numbskull of the season in this kind of getup, I wonder if he’ll be wearing a sporty pair of socks with his Docksiders. If I just happen to have a pie in my hands at the time it’s getting thrown.