The spitting season is upon us. For those of us who walk in the rain, an umbrella is exactly the sort of thing you won’t miss until you need one. We’ve selected a few notable umbrellas for your perusal, from the stylish to practical—to deadly.

But first, a weather advisory: umbrellas, like sunglasses, gloves, and house cats should be treated as disposable items. The more expensive the umbrellas, the more guarantee that you’ll lose or misplace it. And like other disposables, you shouldn’t be afraid to have two or three around the house. A travel-sized umbrella—something more sturdy than those fluttering black ones sold by street vendors but still less than $10—should be part of your out-of-house equipment until June.

That said, there are quite a few interesting full-sized umbrellas available that aren’t the sort of ridiculous brand-driven jokes that cost hundreds of dollars.

• The Nerdy – “Light Saber” Umbrella

Making a small splash on the gadget scene early this year, this Korean-made umbrella [pictured top] has a luminescent rod at its center, perfect for your one-man traveling Blade Runner show. Clever, yes, but as a now-discontinued predecessor implies, most people aren’t terribly interested in drawing undue attention in the midst of a scream-muffling rainstorm.

The light element which doubles as the handle is essentially an LED flashlight and can be detached, although it looks like it might fall apart. Shame. An umbrella handle is the perfect niche for a small flashlight.

Product Page [Funshop.co.kr]

• The Best-Seller – Clear Dome Umbrella

According to Umbrellas.com, this simple, $30 umbrella made of clear vinyl is their most popular seller. For tall people like me, the clear (if murky) fabric would allow me to next my noggin deep inside the dome, making it more possible that someone could walk next to me and get a little coverage.

It’s a bit on the dorky side, but this one’s all about practicality, not fashion. The sharply-sloped sides make it a good candidate for metro walkers, too, who often have to bang umbrellas with others on foot.

Product Page [Umbrellas.com]

• The Weaponized – Sword and Rapier Umbrella

Available in two sizes, a 28-inch and more practical 10-inch model, these umbrellas hide nearly obligatory swords inside. (If you are at a steampunk event, that is.) The larger rapier is $125, which is actually a pretty fair price considering how much dorks are willing to pay for any strip of cheap steel someone calls a “sword.” The smaller model is only $50!

Think about that the next time you consider a couture-brand umbrella that costs a couple hundred bucks: you could be buying four umbrellas for the same price, each one concealing rib-piercing death to your enemies.

If you pick one up, please leave them sheathed in public, especially around the ladies. What kind of spy goes around compromising his secret assets?

One of many catalog pages featuring similar items [By-The-Sword.com]

• The Incapacitator – Unbreakable Walking-Stick Umbrella

If unsheathing a sword and slicing your initials into your co-worker’s bag lunch seems a bit romantic, you could simply beat him to death with one of Tom Kurz’s “Unbreakable Umbrellas,” available for just $150. (”Invest in your personal security!”)

The primary advantage of the Unbreakable should be obvious: it’s not illegal to carry an umbrella anywhere, even if it is strong enough to support a grown man’s weight. While it’s clear the Unbreakable is a much more practical weapon than a sword, that doesn’t make it any less—I don’t know—creepy.

Actually, looking over the page again, maybe it’s just Tom Kurz that is creepy. I mean that in the best possible way, Tom! Please stop calling me!

Product Page [Real-Self-Defense.com]

• The Tank – GustBuster Umbrellas

On a tip from Cool Tools, I checked into the “GustBuster” line of umbrellas, known for being both inexpensive and sturdy. GustBusters’ distinguishing feature is a flap system that allows wind to pass through the umbrella without letting in the rain. The company claims their umbrellas been tested in wind speeds over 55 MPH with no “inversion.” They’re customer ranking on Amazon seems to back that up.

Ever better, they’re very inexpensive: the honkin’ big GustBuster Proseries Gold 62-Inch Golf Umbrella can be picked up for just $40 [pictured], while the more stashable GustBuster Metro 43-Inch Automatic Umbrella is only $30.

They won’t win any fashion contests, but they should keep you dry for not a lot of scratch.

Product Page [GustBuster]

• The Possibly Fragile – Vintage and Retro Umbrellas

Although they specialize in formal and ornate parasols for women, it’s worth popping around to see what’s available at Bella Umbrella if you’re the kind of guy who likes to see pretty, well-designed things.

Bella’s vintage collection includes classic solids (you’re really paying for the interesting handles on these), asian parasols, and ruffled sun shades—but most likely to interest the stylish man are the “Classic Designs”, which include some perfectly masculine designs [pictured] for under $100 apiece.

Of course, if you’d like to buy new, Bella’s Signature series are the brand new pagoda umbrellas. These aren’t at all manly, but would make a fine gift for the more dainty. (They’re cheap, too, as these things go; under $100 depending on what style of handle you choose.)

If you like the “Classics” available vintage from Bella, you should also look at Pare Umbrella, which makes new umbrellas in similar styles for around $65. The “Mason” is especially classy.