BOOM! And The Next Thing You Hear Is…
Published by Alex February 9th, 2007 in Romance, Sex. Share This
A lot of these aren’t that funny. However, the piece needs to be taken on the whole: Steve Martin has written a nice barbed thrust at the fringe fundamentalist assholes whose romantic notion of their reward after dying in a bold and stupid move for Allah will be seventy-two virgins wating for them in Heaven.
Here’s a slice:
Virgin No. 29: Well, I’m a virgin, but my hand isn’t.
Virgin No. 30: You are in?
Virgin No. 31: Hi, cowboy. I just rode down from Brokeback Mountain.
Virgin No. 32: I’m a virgin because I’m so ugly.
Virgin No. 33: You like-ee?
Virgin No. 34: I’ll betcha you can’t get an erection. Go on, impress me. C’mon, show me. Show me, big shot.
Virgin No. 35: By the way, here in Heaven “virgin” has a slightly different meaning. It means “chatty.”
Virgin No. 36: Sure, I like you, but as a friend.
Virgin No. 37: No kissing. I save that for my boyfriend.
Virgin No. 38: I’m Zania, from the planet Xeron. My vagina is on my foot.
Shouts & Murmurs [newyorker.com]
5 Responses to “BOOM! And The Next Thing You Hear Is…”
- 1 Pingback on Feb 21st, 2007 at 6:02 am
I never got the whole “72 virgins waiting for you” thing… I mean that just seems so random and un-supernatural. Even if you busted 1 hymen per day, you’d be out of virgins in 2 months. What are you gonna do with 72 clingy women for the rest of eternity? I’d rather have 1 SuperVirgin whose hymen grew back every day for ever, and even that might get boring after a few years.
Apparently, in Islam, 72 is a number that signifies the infinate. I’m looking for confirmation right now, but I do remember seeing an interview a couple of years ago where that was explained. Will post a link when i find one.
So what yer really gonna get is an infinite number of virgins? This islam thing may require further investigation on my part…
You are correct bridgitte.
BTW, can we get one written for the idiots pulling similarly stupid fatal moves thinking they will be going to the land of lollipops and lost loves, where the gates are made of pearl and you get pretty wings?