HOWTO: Clean a Rock Lobster
9 Comments Published by Joel February 8th, 2007 in Food, Meat, Romance. Share This
While the Maine lobster is the most traditional romantic meal, rock lobster are a pretty good replacement. These giant crayfish don’t have the giant claws of Maine lobster, but their tail makes for pretty good eatin’, especially if you dive down and catch them yourself.
But how to prepare them dockside for cooking? It’s a surprisingly easy process, especially if you disregard any misguided—if natural—worry about any pain you might be causing these giant bugs of the sea. (Don’t worry: It’s very unlikely lobster experience pain. And even if they do, well, they’re delicious.)
Warning: After the jump you’ll be privy to a series of pictures that involve a crustacean being ripped apart. If you’re squeamish or work at a lobster rights coalition, please avoid.
Step 1: Catch a mess of rock lobster…
Step 2: Don gloves. These little bastards are also known as “spiny lobster” for a reason.
Step 3:: Select a victim.
Step 4: Give a last opportunity to speak the promise of wishes with the tongue of man.
Step 5: Hold firmly with two hands in anticipation of last throes. Tilt to display the flesh that is your aim.
Step 6: Twist. Rend. Marvel at bisected body, both halves flailing to escape.
Step 7: Inspect carapace cavity for sea centipedes.
Step 8: Fashion a tool from a length of antenna, about four inches long.
Step 9: Spread anal flaps. Insert tool approximately one inch, barbs down, and twist.
Step 10: Remove tool and entrapped “vein.”
Step 11: Reflect that “vein” looks a lot like an intestine full of shit. Question eating cheap frozen shrimp in the future.
Step 12: Assemble carcasses for yearbook photo. Class of ‘06. 2cool 2b 4gotten.
Step 13: Gaze at meals future.
Step 14: Hose gore.
Great. Now I have that awful B-52s song in my head…
There’s something so brutal and fine about the idea of using one body part to clean another. It still makes Baby Jesus cry to some extent, I’m sure, but…it’s cool.
Brutal. But what about showing us how to cook and eat?
Also, why don’t you just put the whole thing headfirst into a pot of boiling water, and do all the dismembering after cooking? Inquiring minds want to know…
yet another reason Crab is superior to lobster.
1. Get live crab
2. Put into boiling water (maybe 8 minutes or so for Dungeness)
3. Remove crab from boiling water.
4. Serve.
If you want to kill them first you can break them in half on the edge of your counter top.
You can also melt some butter, or even make clarified butter if that is how you roll.
I was introduced to this techinque last year (I live in the Carribean at the moment). The first time you see it (and do it), it does really seem very brutal, but as long as you don’t anthropomorphize your food too much, you’ll be fine.
Alex: Is does indeed seem like desecration, but it’s the perfect tool for the job, and (more importantly) readily accessible. Kudos to the original discoverer.
Seeker: Dead easy to cook, just cut them length ways, and put lemon, garlic and (real) butter on them, then steam and grill them on the bbq. Doing anything excessive to them is a waste.
You save yourself hassle doing it on the boat, takes no time at all, and ideally while you’re diving down around the coral head for the next one, your buddy on the boat will prep them for you and plus we throw the waste back into the sea for a decent snack for the fishes, so everyone wins.
Comedic and useful. What more could we want?
I lvoe eating lobster, its just a shame its not as easy to btain in the UK as it is in the states!
nice now all i have to do is make a good catch tonight sd lobster here i come !!!!!!!!!!
Caught my first two lobsters tonight – it was great!!!!!! Now, thanks to you guys I know what to do with them next………take your advise, have my wife cook em, then enjoy the hell out of eat um!!!!!!
What do you do with the heads / body cavity of the lobster? How do you seperate the guts from the meat / substance that can be used for cooking in rice etc?