Only Assholes Cut Their Own Hair
9 Comments Published by Alex January 18th, 2007 in Grooming, Hair. Share This
I’ve noted here before that I have been an amateur, unliscensed hairdresser for more than twenty years. I’ll do it at my place or at friends’ places, I’ve done it in bars, in the desert, even once in a moving vehicle. Unfortunately, I’ll never get to do it on a plane. Alas. In recent history (since ‘99), I’ve been getting more serious about it, cutting strangers’ hair on referral, even taking payment for my services. All hobbies should be for fun and profit if you are into them for over two decades, I feel.
The irony is that I hate, I hate, hate, hate getting my own hair cut. I’ve moved around a lot in those twenty years and I think I’ve seen the same barber or hairdresser in all that time a grand total of twice. As you might imagine, I’ve had a lot of years with really long hair as a result. And just when I found a guy I liked and was willing to stick with, he up and moves to Provincetown, R.I. Why, you might ask, have I hopped from chair to chair, never staying with the same stylists? Because I just don’t trust ‘em.
More self-indulgent blather comin’ up.
I really should stick it out one of these days, I know this. The longer you’re with the same guy, the more he/she gets to know you — your hair pattern, your preferred style, where you’re trying to go with your look, etc. Your relationship with your stylist obeys the law of increasing returns, getting better and better with each visit. I know this from one end of the dynamic at least, if not the other.
It’s not that I don’t trust the stylist, exactly, let me rephrase: I don’t trust that I’m going to be 100% happy with what I see when I get out of the chair, and if I’m not 100% happy, I’m Pistov the Klown. I’ve thrown tantrums. I’ve walked out in the middle of a cut when I saw things were going south. I’ve been an asshole.
It’s really unfair to them, too; here these folks are, just trying to earn an honest day’s buck, and in I come with an arsenal of spite and outrageous demands. I want it longer, differently textured, a less receeding hairline, and please undo all the damage I’ve wrought upon it in the last year, come on, you’re a professional. Not only that, I want them to know all this just by looking in my eyes; they must be psychic, pick it up by visual osmosis, because the hell I’m going to explain it without sounding like a crazy person, please. Yeah, I clearly deserve the disappointment I’m going to feel.
To spare both them and me this miserable experience, I’ve been cutting my own hair now for the last ten years. It isn’t easy, and I often fuck it up, at least in the back. Even with well-lit, mirrored triangulation, I’m stylistically challenged with doing the back of my head by sight because left is right, my hand wants to move this way and it moves that way, and because of the compunded depth perception, I’m suddenly doing it from across the room. My solution: do it with *no* mirrors.
I take a pair of decaupage scissors, the kind with half-inch blades, and sit in front of the television. While watching NOVA or some other non-linear program, I very carefully pull each lock out individually to a fully taut point, gauge the length that I think it ought to be, and *snip*. I spend about forty minutes doing that. Surprisingly enough, inasmuch as I fuck it up, like I said, and then need to visit some nearby barber for a three minute fix-up (which really doesn’t count, he’s just evening out my mistakes), I do a pretty decent job. On the other hand, it isn’t like I’m bringing it down to a really close-crop, either. For simple style like that, sure, I’d go to an eleven dollar barber every time; he’ll do an infinitely better job than I might, cos he does them all day.
Man, this is some very elaborate kind of masochism.
I find just the opposite–the longer I stick with a haridresser, the more they seem to take me for granted, and the sloppier the cuts get.
I find it’s best to have a really simple haircut and style it yourself. That way you can go to really cheap barbers and they get it right every time. On the other hand, the most expensive haircut I have ever had was probably my worst. That’ll teach me to not pay bottom dollar for my haircut.
And on that note, why are regular barbers; the kind that charge about $15 per haircut, the best at cutting men’s hair? If you go to some kind of “salon” where they “style” instead of cut, you always come out questioning what you just did. I don’t want flock of seagulls going on, I just want it an inch long, is it that hard?
I’ve been cutting my own hair for the last 2 years now – and I’m pretty successful but it does take about 50 minutes using nail scissors. I don’t know why I do, just didn’t like the way my hair was being cut by the hairdressers where I live.
Most people are shocked when I say I did it myself, then they scrutinise it until they find the long hair I missed. Shouldn’t really tell anyone, but that’s no fun.
One advantage to having a receding hairline and just accepting it is having a buzz cut. I must be an asshole because I cut my own hair and I am getting pretty good at it. I used to just use one guide on the trimmer for the whole thing but I have since mastered fading the sides into the top. I think that it actually looks better than just the one length all over cut. Anyway, it saves me about $20 a month and that’s another fringe benefit.
I’ve found it is much easier to cut the back of my head through feel rather than using mirrors. of course I use clippers instead of scissors so your mileage may vary. I just go back to the mirror to check how is looks every once in a while to see if I missed something
i ve been cutting my own hair for almost 2 years because the hairdressers were quite awful ..and i did learned some styles abt cutting my own hair it took me about at most 30 minites ..at first it really pay off because u got wat u want,u save money , and traveling cost but u get bored ..now i just moved to china where the people cant speak or understand english..am going to be here for one year so i think i might have to still cutting my own hair because of communication problem..
but ive always wondered wat do people think abt my haircut ..
but my guest is sometimes u have to go to hairdressers and sometimes u can just cut your own hair by yourself ..the reason y u should go to hairdressers at least twice(depending on the length of your hair) is bcuz u have to keep in touch with humanity, so that people do not doubt u
Cutting hair is a simple chore. I have found it painful to give another, usually a stranger, the right to take blades to my skull. Once the the required materials are purchased, haircuts are free after about the third cut. It derives one a sense of power and lets one manipulate and maintain the look of the hair on one’s head. Great fun, great cut, good luck!
Wow, in the closet hairdressers!! I am a hairdresser, a cutter and a colorist and I cut my own hair because hairdressers don’t always get it. What I mean is people like me don’t want to be told “oh, you don’t need a haircut or a hair color” I say ” ok, well then just fake it” because I need the attention!!
Most people need attention , a little kindness and my advice to hairdressers that are rufusing services is this— don’t make quick judgments like ” you don’t need a haircut or a color because you la dee dah don’t need one…..the only hairdresser I go back to is the one who does not give me this grief if I ask for a service….she knows I just like to hang out with her, and the hairdressing makes herself available to me.\through this and the hairdressing is an extra perk— Gotta Go Go…j