There are whole web sites dedicated to marijuana etiquette, but they tend to focus on the behavior of pot smokers in the company of other pot smokers. Not so here today: Let’s talk about marijuana etiquette out in the real world.

First of all, you should always remember that in the United States, marijuana is illegal. That means that when you’re carrying pot in the company of others, you’re putting them at potential risk of incarceration, no matter how remote that chance may be. Try to remember that when someone acts pissed off that you’ve just busted out a spliff; they may be overreacting, but it’s not entirely without merit.

• Always ask your host – Whether you’re in the back seat or on the back porch, you should always ask your host if it’s kosher if you smoke. They may have nosy neighbors, another guest who could embarrass them (like a co-worker), or may simply not want an illegal substance on their property. Or they might want to get high, too; it’s your duty to keep a willing host lit up.

Don’t try to surreptitiously sneak a hit, because…

• Everybody can smell it – Just like cigarettes, pot always stinks you up way more than you might realize. You can Febreeze yourself silly or smoke outside but inevitably enough smoke will cling to your hair and clothes to make it obvious what you’ve been doing, especially to non-smokers who still command fully-functioning olfactory capabilities.

• Leave your stash at home – In most states a minuscule amount of marijuana is enough to qualify you for the prestigious “intent to sell” charge. For your safety and that of your host, check your local statutes and try to stay well under. (In most states that amount is less than the amount of marijuana in an average-weight joint; You may very well be screwed no matter how little you have on you.)

• Puff; Puff; Give – If you’ve got the okay from your host, offer to smoke up as many folks as you can. There’s nothing more interminable than the lone stoner leering at the rest of the guests while melting into the sofa. If it’s a party most folks are going to be drunk—if you can’t find common psychoactive ground, at least make sure they’re meeting you half-way.

• Prohibited occasions – Funerals; weddings (but not wedding receptions); Sunday School; before the dessert course; your lunch break; inside a public restroom; in traffic; before court; before the kids are on the bus; the two weeks before your job interview; before the NA meeting.