Hey I’m a fan of those “nuts” or “balls” on trucks though. I’m not sure if I’m laughing with the driver or at the driver though:

http://monstertruckman.typepad.com/monster_trucks_on_the_roa/2007/04/got_balls_on_yo.html

Couple of questions
How did you get so dumb?
Who turns your computer on and opens up IE for you?
How does it feel when kids with down syndrome make fun of you?
How old are you and how have you not gotten killed being such a prick yet?

and NUTS, has anyone else seen these or is it a Texas thing, a pair of plastic anatomically correct testicles attatched to the bumper of your truck with bailing wire, the worst i’ve seen was a pair on a truck being driven by a woman, We know you bought the big ass truck and jacked it up to compensate for no penis, but adding the balls just makes it that much more obvious.

http://www.bumpernuts.com/index.html

• Aftermarket Spoilers
Yeah, I’ll buy that, along with the exception. A tricked out custom job can look really sweet with the right spoiler. The wrong one — which is what most guys pick — will fuck up the whole effect beyond retrieval.

• Bumper Stickers
Oh, do bite me. Here in the redder-than-my-uncle’s-neck South, displaying my “Fire the Republicans” sticker is about as much rebellion as I can muster up without endangering my paycheck or my car, so leave me alone. Besides, a be-stickered tail end can make for a few minutes’ entertainment at a red light.

Exception: “Support your local precinct” or tasteful window stickers of military affiliation.
Oh, the military gets a break for expressing their pride, but the rest of us don’t?

• Body Graphics, vinyl or otherwise
Personally, I rather enjoy some of the more extravagant Latino pickups we get around here, and the most fun are the ones with huge airbrushed panoramas that wrap the whole way around the damn truck. I’m not saying I’d do it, mind you…but why be so intent on stomping on someone else’s fun?

Exceptions: – Show cars and race carts; Ambulances.
What, no military exception? How about cop cars? Commercial vehicles? Sheesh.

• Flags
Cheers and applause. No exceptions, far as I’m concerned. Tacky, unsafe, and incidentally irreverent. It takes about 10 miles of highway driving before that giant flag flapping violenty on the pole mounted in the back of your pickup becomes a tattered embarrassment. Show some respect. If you have to put a flag on the back of your truck, get one of those rear-window see-through decals or something.

• Aftermarket badges
Dude, I have news for you. When (if, at this rate) I finish my veg-oil conversion, the first thing I’m going to do is go to Your Emblem and buy a custom emblem reading “GREASER”.

I agree with whoever suggested that bullet holes should be banned. Not particularly for their stupidity, but because they’re over. Those stupid “ball-smashed-through-the-window” things. The hand or other human/animal body part flapping out of the trunk.

Fucking curb feelers. Why can you even buy these any more?

Blue LED washer pylons. Skated tires — particularly on cars where you haven’t bothered to roll the fenders. Those tacky-ass double wiper blades, and your goddamn Wal-Mart antenna balls (they’re already the biggest corporation in the country, and you’re advertising them for free?). Any suspension/tire arrangement that increases the ground clearance of the car to double or more the factory standard (I’m talking to you, Mr. 30″ Rims on the Cadillac).

This list could go on forever, couldn’t it? No one’s mentioned silver naked ladies yet.

Remember when car manufactures advertised such things as “5-Speed”, “ABS” “IROC-Z” on the sides of their autmobiles, it’s back. It’s not just a Civic, a Sentra or a Pickup anymore, it’s a “i-VTEC, SE-R V-Spec, SS, SRT, Rousch 2500 with a Hemi sold to you by O’Neil Buick/GMC/Kia.

Take all that shit off, none of it is necessary and it gives you less to wax around.

* those stickers that look like bullet holes. Those are HUGE here.

* plastic spinners

* tow hitches on cars that have NO business towing anything (Dodge Neon anyone?)

* winches and huge light racks on SUVs that you KNOW have never been offroad

* those huge appliques that cover the whole back window of a pickup, usually with an eagle or the American flag

* half-assed paint jobs. Looks like the guy ran out of money half-way through the process.

* sedans on 20″ rims (Chevy Caprice, Oldsmobiles, etc.)

This post makes me think of the Volkswagen “Unpimp Your Ride” ads. (”It’s definitely sucking.”)

#1 – A homemade, spray painted tonneau cover for an early 80’s Chevy LUV truck with a spoiler, made out of plywood and 2×4s.

#2 – Those retarded, extremely cheap-looking, and idiotic aluminum and plastic spoilers that people buy at Shucks Auto Parts and attach to their trunk lids with sheet metal screws. Most blatant example ever: a 1998 Mercury Sable with one of those screw-on spoilers and big vinyl stickers on the side, rolling on steel factory wheels with Wal-Mart wheel covers.

The Onion have a great article about people who feverishly flagged up their cars after 9/11 and then had the conundrum of not knowing when the proper time to take it down was.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28169

Fly a flag at home or whatever, but a flag on a car is distracting, garish, and the sort of cheap fetishism that many people mistake for patriotism.

WTF is *that* supposed to mean?

You need to explain yourself, pronto.

Or the people who put badges on cars that don’t even come with those designations, like Oldsmobiles with GT-R badges on them. Sorry pal, your cutlass is NOT a skyline.

The only thing that I can say would be an exception is in the JDM area… if you took say an Infiniti G35 and took the Infiniti badges off and replaced them with the Nissan badges… or a Lexus and a Toyota. That would be ok.