Sweet Talking Your Way Out of a Scrap
24 Comments Published by Joel October 9th, 2006 in Fighting. Share This
Despite some mild qualifications in this week’s introductory post, some of you still seem to be righteously missing the point: Fighting in anger is bad and I’m not saying otherwise. It’s always preferred to walk away from a confrontation if possible—I mean, of course.
But it’s not always possible. Hence, our theme.
So to all of you who mandate a strict policy of cheek turning, what are your best tips for avoiding fights altogether? Humor has worked well for me every once in a while, as has a mewling, preemptive yielding to my attackers’ demands.
Actually, here’s an even better question: If you could say just one thing to someone before they punched you, what would it be?
“you’re making the biggest mistake of your life”, and smile.
Not in the face!
acting mentally handicapped always works…
the words, “i make the big poop” go along way towards avoiding a scuffle. i realize this may not exactly be a p.c. approach, but what’s a coward to do?
Don’t.
OH MY GOD, WHAT’S THAT BEHIND YOU?!
If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.
To use a bad Arnold Schwarzenegger quote, “I’m a cop you idiot!”
If that doesn’t work, I show them the badge.
If the badge doesn’t work, I show them the gun. That ALWAYS works.
YELL as loud as possible, “I didn’t start this, but I’m sure as hell gonna end it,” so when the nice police are pushing your face into the ground with their knee in your back to hand cuff you, the bartender/bouncer/wedding officiant/funeral director might back you up.
“i can run faster mad than you can scared …”
I spent a good five minutes trying to talk a guy out of being upset with me (it was a case of mistaken identity) before I lost my patience and stopped trying to reason with him. I shrugged, chuckled a little, and looked him in the eye saying, “If it’ll make you feel better, you can go ahead and try to kick my ass.” At that point, he brusquely informed me that I was lucky he was in a good mood and walked away. I’m not sure if that works all the time as I haven’t had the opportunity to test it with other irate morons, but I will if and when the opportunity presents itself.
“sorry” seems to work pretty good. if you can sound like you mean it.
scott_335 wins!
Follow the advice of the world’s greatest cooler. Be nice!
If that doesn’t work, rip out their larynx and show it to them!
Wow. That’s not the first Roadhouse reference on Dethroner is it? It can’t be… can it?
What’s all this funny stuff? Violence is not funny. If you know it inside yourself, the other person (that is what your opponent is) will feel it. A mountain won’t fight another one. And, most important, what are the reasons for the fight? You said fighting in anger is bad, turning the other cheek, I never meant that in my comment to your post. If I see someone trying to rape a girl I’ll take care of him. But, if it’s just a matter of ego (because I feel threatened or because I feel like I should do something otherwise I’m a coward), instead of falling for it I should be able to face whatever is that I perceive as threatening and make it deflate, because most of the times I am the one making it bigger then it is. And..everybody always has a choice, either before, during or even after the fight. A man said once: “If you want to hurt someone, make sure you can heal him afterwards; otherwise, you are better off killing him. But the best thing to do is to win before there is a fight.” That’s the point, not to avoid a fight but to prevent it and change it with determination.
I usually don’t have to worry about it. I run about 6′4″ and 230 #s. I may be a wuss, but I’m an intimidating looking wuss, and just standing up to my full height is enough to deter most belligerent drunks. Otherwise I just send a friend to grab a bouncer.
I havn’t been in a fight for ages, but usually if you just look them deep in the eyes and you show no fear they back off. most people who start fights are insecure fuckups who want to build their self esteem on someone else’s destruction.
If you still have no choice, aim for the throat with an open hand. it won’t hurt them bad, but they won’t be able to breath properly for a while, which means you can run away or do whatever you want to them without them being able to respond.
In all cases, avoid the physical blows if possible.. Especially in a bar.
The local hospital has a special device for removing pool balls from a person’s mouth.
Weapons are common in a bar. And the “innocent” bystander would enjoy getting a shot in while a back is turned. A buddy got stabbed and didn’t realize it until much later.
Having said that – as mentioned above – if you witness a heinous crime, you are obligated to intervene. And you need to ensure the perp is disabled while you attend to the victim. My personal philosophy is that if some sick f_ck would attack me – an able-bodied male – what would he do to my wife, daughter, or mom? Well, if he engages me, he won’t have that opportunity.
Having said that, I get the impression the tone of the article and theme is relating to more “casual” fights, if you will. Most bar fights or street altercations can be prevented by simply leaving. If you are unable to leave, then treat the person as a non-threat until an attempt at contact is made. If you are already standing and a threat is issued – and you cannot leave or disregard – pickup a weapon. It’s not wussy – it’s smart. It shows that you are serious and ratchets the seriousness of the situation.
I am not of the “turn the other cheek” when struck. I will do everything in my power to avoid a conflict. But if I feel that one is imminent, I will demonstrate that I intend to win – and win handily. If nothing else, I will slowly move as close as possible to the opponent. Most often it has been with my knee slightly in front and just inches from his balls. If he feels your knee against his thigh, his eyes get big and he steps away. That motion will often make him realize that he has surrendered ground and will not win. The other benefit of moving so close is alluded to in one of the other posts. Most people do not know the “one inch punch” and are unable to strike from that close. If you are skilled in pressure points (throat, eyes, groin), or grappling, then you *want* to be close.
Sorry, I’ve never seen a smart-arse comment prevent a bar fight. Both participants are usually too drunk to catch the joke.
I’m a leper. LOL
Lee, you have stated my personal method for avoiding fights. I have always been a big guy, and I don’t piss off other big guys. The small guys (who tend to start the fights anyway, in my experience) won’t screw with someone who looks like they could break a bone with little effort.
But the best way to avoid a full-on fight is to not put up with all the posturing and schmack-talking that preceded most fights. If someone gets up in your face and is giving you crap, punch him in the throat before he is expecting it. End the fight before it really begins.
I always stop them and take my shoes off. And tell them that I want to feeeeel it when I kick their @$$!!!! Very effective!!
It’s not that there’s one particular thing you can say. It’s what kind of thing you say.
The crucial thing is not to say anything obviously belligerent, or obviously submissive, or … obvious. The crucial thing is to say something that’s just slightly off, slightly peculiar. I’m not talking about wacky or random, just something that’s not quite expected, something that forces the other person to think a second before responding.
Being willing to fight usually requires a kind of blind, adrenaline-fueled rage. It requires that the prefontal cortex be silent and the lizard brain take over. Anything you can do to spark the prefontal cortex, to stimulate thought, by necessity takes the edge off that rage.
I’ve gotten out of plenty of fights like this, just by confusing the other person, or getting them tangled up in their own words.
Of course this won’t work with someone who’s blind drunk, but anything short of that, you can usually trick them into trying to formulate a response, and then you’ve won.
My verbal fu is strong!
Just make fun of the fact that they want to fight you and they will look like an idiot for pursuing a fight.
Like. “hey so you want to scrap, eh, wanna take this outside, eh? and dance around like an early 1900’s english boxer.”
When’s Arnie gonna make another movie? I could use a good sci-fi flick from Arnold. Yah I know he’s busy governing California.