Know these things about beer:

• It is the most delicious food in this reality.
• It was likely the first food cultivated and preserved by man.
• Man can live on beer alone, or will at least be happy in the attempt.

Beer inspires in us a humility that transforms the most vulgar mention to sacred, sanguine event; Even the staunch, militant atheist pauses between sips to whisper a silent prayer of thanks. It is manufactured by craft but as inspired as any art. It stands testament to the potential for improvement in creation. Surely no man can despair long when even nature’s reclamation produces, almost as an afterthought, a draught that has been the catalyst for so much life.

In our cups you will find a reflection of our cultures, potentially unlimited in variety, but choked with monotony by a world-wide reich of blandly blonde pilsners. For an egalitarian drink, its slightly more exotic varieties inspire terror in the ignorant palette that even wine and whisky do not.

This week Dethroner will help you take your first steps toward a fuller enjoyment of beer, offering a clear, easy progression to train your tongue. You’ll know what to buy, how to buy it, how to serve and drink it, and how to talk about beer with your friends without coming off like a pretentious douchechill.

We think you’ll like the homework.

Image courtesy of pindec.